A hard price to pay for wishful thinking
by KandyQueen
Summary: Gamzee Makara and Karkat vantas, two long term friends and moirails, are approaching there 8th sweep wriggling day. Normally an occasion such as this would warrant happy times but no..not this time. This day marks the day of conscription. The worse part is they both know they will not survive it. You hear the buzz of drones circling around you and you prepare to meet your end.
1. Chapter 1

Your name is Gamzee Makara and you are content with dying. Tomorrow marks you and Karkats 8 sweep wriggling day. It also marks the day you both have to appear for conscription. You know you will die because you aren't fit enough for your cast and the sweeps of sopor abuse has left you underdeveloped. Still you are content but not the precious mutant laying in your arms curled up around you like a little meow beast. You pull him closer sensing his constant whiplash of anger, trepidation and cold fear. Despite his authoritarian nature you know he is terrified of dying and you know there is no comfort you can offer your moirail so you sit in your mixed pile of belongings and hold him easing away as much anxiety as you could. Much like you he hasn't grown as much and the bright red peeking through his eyes would give away he wasn't a rust blood. He shifts and your attention is drawn from your thoughts as he emits a shaky sigh unburying his face to look up at you.

"Hey there little motherfucker you all up and sleep any?" You offer him a smile laced with pale concern.

He seems to contemplate whether to tell you the truth or lie.

"...No...not really..." He grumbled, slowly sitting up and stretching out once again reminding you of a meow beast...or cat. He was pretty sure he read (Karkat read to him) the high blooded word was a cat.

You frown at that and rub small circles across his shoulders and back feeling the tensed-up muscles shaking there.

"We still got some time you can rest a bit more karbro.."

He shook his head at you, his face all lean and sharp angles. "...Moons will up soon...fleet with probably be there early."

You sigh and nuzzle your face against the back of his neck inhaling the familiar aroma of dirt, metal and, something sweet you couldn't quite place. "Let's all up an take a bath then! I can wash your back like you motherfucking like~?"

He seemed to contemplate that a second longer but slowly nodded at you. "Yeah..a bath sounds nice.."

You grin like an idiot at him and shift to lift him in your arms. Despite your neglected body you could always easily lift your pale mate. He fit so snugly under your chin you couldn't help but smile wider and try to push the impending doom from your mind. You carry your little miracle down the short hallway stepping around piles of horns and clothes scattered about until you came upon the abluti...to the bathroom and set him down on the..toilet. Man, you really had to think hard about all these words but you understand Karkat's need for you to learn them. Would be kind of funny for a person of your blood color to go up in there and start spouting low blood words. Karkat curls his knees up onto the toilet making him seem much smaller in your shirt that you had given him earlier. He seemed paler than usual and his hair was all messy from the fitful sleep he had been having.

You moved over to softly pap his head and go to run a nice hot bath even adding in some of the scented fizzy miracle balls that you know Karkat likes. The bath turned a beautiful mix of reds, yellows and greens and you caught yourself staring at the colors and wishing them on your hands and in your nails digging them _deeper_ and _deeper_ into burning flesh... _ **No**_. You stop that train of thought immediately and rub at your face feeling overcome with shame. You weren't too sure how long it had been you last had your dose of sopor and the strain was causing pain through your thinkpan up to the tips of your horns. Too long you decided but you wanted to be more on the sober side for the recruitment...and for Karkat. You wanted to think clearly for him after all it was the least you could do to be sobered up for your deaths.

Although…you are certain as soon as you are forced to leave Karkat you are going to shove a double dose into your mouth. Maybe it will ease the pain of death or just outright kill you all peacefully. What a miracle that would be.

You couldn't help but start to think about if you'll meet him in the carnival you know you will go to when you die. You wonder if maybe Karkat with his miracle blood would have a ticket there too. You also let the thought cross your mind that maybe just maybe you both may live and grow and see each other again in a pale embrace like in Karkats movies...but you know that is wishful thinking and you are not a child anymore so you turn your attention back to your moirail.

"Think the bath's all ready~." you muster up a smile for him.

He looks up from whatever terror has been stringing its way through his mind. You can smell the fear even from over here and it settles in your stomach like a bad piece of grubloaf you ate.

He nods some at you and tries to offer a smile back but it falls short. You'll take him trying as a victory for now and start to undress yourself before moving to slowly undress him. You're careful undressing him and lowering him into the water all slow and gentle like a lusus holding their new ward. You actually smile this time as you feel his muscles relax from the heat of the water. You shuffle over to move in behind him not graceful in the slightest because you end up slipping a bit and making a mess with the splash you caused. You couldn't help yourself but think who cares? You might as well wreck your hive because one way or the other you'll never be here again. You shake the thoughts from your head and set about working your magical fingers down Karkats back.

"Can up an make us a bitchass breakfast too some grubloaf, some cluck..chicken eggs~ and bacon too~ can make whatever you want bro~?"

He tilts his head up at you seeming lost in thought and for a few moments you can see the specks of crimson in his burning grey eyes. "...pancakes? With the cherries..like what we made on our last wriggling day..?" Now how could anyone say no to that pitiful voice.

You smile brightly at the suggestion and nuzzle into his wet hair. "Motherfucking _perfect_ ~."

He gives a small smile and you feel your heart swell with pale feelings as soft as sand and as bright as stars.

You finish your bath as slowly as you dare to go hoping to be able to eat and get presentable before you have to leave. When you're done you both exit and you don't even bother to drain the tub because why would you care enough to? It would be a waste of the precious time you have left. You both wander downstairs not bothering to get dressed quite yet and neither one of you actually caring at the moment. He pauses some while you begin the task of cooking what he requested.

"Hey...?" Karkat mumbled hesitantly at you after a bit and you turned to face him while the pancakes cooked.

"Yeah bro what's wrong..?" You frown at the somber expression on his face. You hate seeing him sad it makes your guys twist all up like they're on some kind of roller coaster.

"M-maybe we should just stay here...?"

You furrow your brows trying to think on what he was saying. Did he mean like stay in the kitchen to eat? I mean normally you ate in there so it would be weird for him to suggest it. "Stay here? Brother what you all meaning by that?"

He seems to hesitate choosing his words carefully as if at any moment he could say the wrong thing to make you snap. You know he's partially on edge because of your lack of sopor for the past two days and it had been wearing you down bit by bit. You had snapped at him a couple times for simple things that normally would have never bothered you but you were very quick to apologize and all was forgiven.

He took a deep breath collecting himself which made you twice as worried as before. "I mean...what if we don't go to the…Conscription..? What if we just stay here..?"

You frown deeply at that everything in your mind telling you to yell at him for even having a stupid idea like that. Who does this fucking low ass shitblood think he is to question you….you need to stop. Your heart sinks at the thoughts that crossed your mind and they must have shown on your face because Karkat is making himself small and preemptively reaching for his strife specibus. You take a moment to motherfucking breathe and settle your calm ass self right back into your bones.

"Brother _no_ , we can't up and miss that shit...you wouldn't be noticed yeah but someone higher like me they up and would sent out a ship looking for any higher bloods as thinking they can run and hide and they'll up an take out whoever on the way. I ain't going to up any danger so many trolls like that."

"Gam please...we can stay here and just let them kill us here we both know that we're going to die either way can't we at least die together!"

You feel your stomach clench up in anxiety at his words but you also see the pure panic on his face and the fear that radiates from his very being. You want to say yes and everything in you screams don't disappoint your moirail but you know better and you know it will be much worse if you have to be hunted out by trolls instead of being killed quickly by the drones. You couldn't handle it watching someone torture your precious miracle. You had often thought more than once this week about killing him gently yourself just to spare him the pain. Give him enough drugs in his system he just slowly goes in his sleep all peaceful dreams and shit. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it and you would probably kill yourself very soon after and that shit ain't funny you'd be tearing your ticket to the carnival. You muster up your courage and as gently as you can, you speak.

" _ **No**_ brother we have to go...it'll be alright..I'll be walking with you long as I motherfucking can..."

You see him physically deflate at that and it kills you, tears up your insides with guilt and shame but you are more sober than you have been in sweeps and you're thinking clearly and you know this is the best course of action that you can do to save him some pain. He just nods slowly at you and you can tell in him that he too knows we have to go. You eat together curled up, reluctant to let each other go with the time you have. You can feel the trepidation grow in him as you sense the moons with be rising soon. His panic sets in and you have to shoosh him a few times to get him calm enough to get up and start getting dressed. You pull out the subjugglator uniform you know you're meant to wear and slowly pull it on. The expensive fabric felt strange on your skin and the shirt was a bit tighter than what you're used to wearing. Your emblem is embroidered eloquently in the middle of your chest in your dark purple hue. The pants likewise have accents of your hue in the stitching and trim.

You wish for nothing more than to switch with Karkat. If he had your shade he would easily make it into ranks. He was strong and powered by pure will, anger and determination. You shake off your wistful thoughts and move over to help Karkat in his formal wear. The uniform he held was a medium grey with accents of deep rust that you knew if you held to the beautiful flakes in his eyes his secret would be spilt right then and there along with that miraculous blood. You rotate your shoulders getting a feel for the right garment much different than what you're used to wearing. You have to check your strife specibus a few times just to make sure you have your clubs on you. Going to conscription without a weapon is a certain death sentence. Although you plan to die you don't plan to go out without a fight. You check your sylladex and make sure you have everything you think you will need going through a checklist in your mind now that you can think clearly.

You look at Kakat and give a grim sigh as his gaze meets yours. You take his hand and he accepts wrapping his thin fronds around yours.

"Are you ready?" He asks his voice shaking.

You steel your stomach and nod swallowing the lump in your throat. "Sure am best friend."

And with that you both set off out your hive to join the small mass heading toward the golden ships entering orbit. You hold onto Karkats hand tighter, straighten your back and walk forward with your head held high because you sure as hell will not die in shame.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

You walked as slowly as you dared blending into the mass of colors. Trolls of all sizes and blood castes we're heading all toward the shining ships entering orbit like a blaring army of suns in your face. Your bloodpusher no no heart was beating all drums in your ears. Beside you Karkat was keeping his head all down his hand squeezing yours tightly as if letting go would seal your fate right then and there. You glance around seeing if you could find any others you would be recognizing but none jump out to you in the sea of faces.

"...seeing a lot of clowns..." Your diamonds mutters under his breath just loud enough for you to hear.

You glance about noticing as well small groups of painted faces laughing cheerfully amongst other faithful brothers and sisters. A small part of you longed to be joining them in the merriment of conscription but you would rather be here with your moirail than anywhere in the universe.

"All's calm won't let no other motherfucker be seeing at you" You mutter all soft back at him trying to ease his fear.

You feel a small pang in your chest at the thought of your own faithful hurting your little precious moirail and for all you know he can fight tooth an nail he is still small and you know he wouldn't stand a chance. Up ahead you can see a large clearing where the ships have landed and you feel Karkat tense up hard hearing his breath come quick an panicked. You quickly glance about before tugging him gently off to the side behind a tree pulling him all close and running your fingers through his hair.

" _Shush now_ my palest shush I got you, all is well this night will be over soon an we can motherfucking rest all gentle" you him at him a false sense of soothing.

You know his fear is well placed but you don't feel much. In fact you ain't even had much of those nervous feelings buzzing in your stomach anymore. You're sure you haven't felt this calm in your life which only made it easier for you to soothe your poor quadrant mate. This will be hard on him your sure of that but you take solace in knowing he'll be able to rest all peacefully real soon. You both will. You hold him tightly as he clings to your shirt his hands shaking hard while you make your hands to holding an papping at him.

"...there splitting everyone up...could see them up ahead...fuck I can't...I'm scared shit fuck...I should have been culled as a grub fucking painless..." Karkat is mumbling now his eyes all dazed an blown wide in fear.

You pap at his face hard maybe a bit harder than intended because he looks up at you all sudden.

"...sorry...but fuck you shouldn't all be thinking that way...glad I got as much time with you as I have been blessed by the messiahs to have." You whisper all soft as silk to him.

You wish real hard that you could have all had the courage to end his life for him all gentle an peaceful like you wanting but it isn't a possibility an it would be far too late now. You do get to thinkin on Maybe you could at least use your chucklevoodoos to get him his calm on, the least mercy you can do your brother. You, as gently as possible, work your Magic's into that miraculous thinkpan of his finding all that deep rooted fear and slowly easing it away. You can feel Karkat all tensed his eyes glowing all soft purple but he soon seemed to relax a bit. You give a soft little pale noise at him pulling him close one more time and kissing his forehead all soft an gentle.

"Come on bro let us not be evading the inevitable any longer" You gently pull him by his hand his eyes still all soft glowing purple. You feel your gut clench in guilt at having to use this on him but you know this will at least make his death as easy as possible you just hope he goes all quick an painless as can be. You even go so far as to offer it up in prayer to your messiahs to all be trading all his pain to you. You would rejoice if you could all be taking his pain in death for him. You do sincerely hope they be in a good mood as to be hearing your pleas.

You walk steadily ahead the traces of anxiety melting off you. You can do this. For Karkat you could take on every motherfucker here. He gives you all the strength you could even hope for but even you would have to admit you feel a pang if anxiety hit when you get to where they are all separating by blood caste. You give one last long painful glance at Karkat, your precious moirail your only friend. His eyes still holding that purple up in them the the calm damn near peaceful look on his face was all you could hope for. You lean over and take his hand kissing his soft palm and then his forehead before an adult forced you apart shoving you far down toward the other group of riled up purplebloods all dressed up in their colors and painted faces. You suddenly felt so motherfucking empty and tired like the whole damn world was weighing on you all heavy. At least you were able to all give Karkat some peace but fuck if you didn't want to keep holding him forever.

You suddenly just felt so mother.fucking.exhausted. Feel it seeping down into your bones up to your horns and every motherfucker around you all talking an chatting so loud all at once it bouncing around all in your thinkpan. You grit your fangs all hard into your lip knowing you be drawing some of that deep purple to the surface. Calm. Got to be calm. Just when you thought you couldn't stand the noise anymore all those fuckers around you went all quiet as death itself. You quickly take the welcome distraction of everyone to pull a small syringe from your pocket all full of swirling green liquid shoving the needle recklessly in your arm. Not like you weren't about to die anyway so who gave a fuck if you got a small infection. You could feel the calming effect of the sopor almost immediately clouding your mind while you lazily turned your face up to see what all everyone was staring at. On a small podium stood some tall ass motherfuckers one had horns all big as fuck and spreading out to the front of his face all wicked sharp from what you could tell. Obvious as shit this fucker was an adult though probably not too much older than you. You could also tell he all had face painted up with pride of a full blown subjuggalator. Beside him or her you couldn't quite tell in your hazed state was another fucked a head shorter than the other but from what you could see was a seadweller. Right down from those two stood two fuckers you did get some recognizing on. Standing heads held high in best motherfucking conscription clothes were Eridan and Feferi. You almost had to caught yourself from laughing at how awkward the little violet fish looked as well as how damn bored your fushia sister seemed. It wasn't too much longer before the adult in the face paint stepped up to start speaking.

"Hello conscriptions, my name is Gaxxic and a formal recruiter for the subjuggalators, we would like to bring this most formal greeting from the empire and congratulate you on making this far. The fact that you all stand here has proven you are strong but only the strongest 500 of you will go on to conquer for our great empire!"

You stand and watch and listen like every other fucker around you feeling some of the trepidation Of other groups grow. Thousands of us out here an only 500 fuckers get to make it that's some kind of cruel irony as complementing everyone on making it here. You sigh zoning in an out some the high concentration of sopor taking its toll on your mind making it wander about mostly to thinking on your little mutant blood. You try to remember him as he usually is all shouty and full of spiteful passion. Little brother has a sharp tongue and a even more fierce wit. Makes you all kinds of sad to see him broken down to such a mess. You don't realize how long you zoned out before you start hearing other around you talking all again. Mostly the brother an sisters in your caste all laughing about getting to explore space an some making cruel ass jokes about not being able to wait an see some lower bloods all get splattered on the ground.

You don't recognize the first scream that erupts from the crowd or any following it but you smell the salty sweetness of blood in the air and see several motherfuckers take off running into the trees all chased by drones with culling forks. It's begun. You take a deep breath an steady yourself sending another prayer for mercy on your poor moirail hoping he has met your makers already all quick and silent while you wait patiently for your turn. Drones all start weaving through crowds and a good part of the groups are chaos those as have nothing to fear all standing still like statues while those in your higher blood caste snicker An laugh amongst themselves. Even from here you can see smears if yellows and browns all that looked lightly fucking unnatural shades. Mutated. Before you could even fucking blink a drone all big and intimidating stood before you it's hard exoskeleton coated in sprays of swirling blood that matched the end of its culling fork. His large black soulless eyes stared deep into yours and you stood unable to move hair spiking up on the back of your neck in an instinctual panic. You waited for the pain to come but he just moved on through the crowd leaving you gasping for air like a fish out of water. Before you could even process what was going on you were being shoved up into a ship and seated another purple blood with swirling paint around his eyes going by an making sure everyone was all buckled in. Alarms started going off in your head. You weren't killed. Why the _motherfuck_ weren't you culled where stood. Why did the drone spare you. _Karkat. Your poor motherfuckign precious diamond was surely dead now his bright sinful blood spread out upon the grass and your bloodpusher squeezed all tight at that. Calm. As soon as_

the fuckers realized your motherfucking addiction they will all cull you quick as a lusus protecting their grub. For now you will have to sit and wait your motherfucking turn. It isn't long before black starts to dance in the corner of your eyes and you chase them all the way to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

You awake all sudden an abrupt a deep throbbing settling it's ways down into your horns and bones. Displeased, you groan, your throat suddenly feeling like you had swallowed a deserts worth of sand. You don't even dare at trying to open your eyes they felt too heavy anyway. In fact all of you felt way too heavy right now. Too heavy and fuck you were thirsty. You managed to croak another groan hearing some muffled sounds now but they seemed too far-away. _Motherfuck you needed water._ You needed it now! Your body was screaming at you and the sandy feeling was drying you faster. It was in your mouth and nose and lungs making itself home all deep inside you feeling just fucking _wrong. All of you felt wrong._ Then the most miraculous thing you could ask for happened. You felt the cold refreshing life giving water start to enter your dry cracked lips and you gulped it like the messiahs themselves offered it for you giving them much thanks and praise. Your heart pounded in your chest now and your head lightened a bit. You still felt too heavy and too far away from everything but at least you felt a bit less like death. The water seemed to leave it you felt so motherfucking better. Still all wrongness settled in your bones but better. Something on you have a tug and you felt the smallest of sharp pains before that sweet blissful darkness you had come to know as a friend carted you off back to sleep.

In and out. In and out. You were a warrior and you fought a battle with consciousness, a losing battle. It always repeated. You would wake up disoriented, dying of thirst and feeling to much motherfucking _pain._ It was like the pain was never ceasing and made its way through you in waves from yours horns to the very tips of your toes you were alight with pain. You scream as loud as your drying, raw throat would allow and tug at your heavy arms growling and clawing at anything you could just to get it to _stop!_ Fuck you just wanted it to stop and you voiced it to the far off whispers at you could barely hear. They sometimes told you you were doing good and they were here for you and you would be well again soon before the darkness took you again to sweet bliss. You can't even comprehend how long this went on or if maybe you were dead and the messiahs had denied you your ticket for being such a cullable fuckup. No. You praise your messiahs and thank them softly. Luckily enough for you they are forgiving to those of faith and you are one of faith in your heart and mind and body and blood you are nothing of your faith. The black darkness began to gently carry you back to the land of sleep as you welcome it with open arms.

The next time you awake is strange. It was like suddenly you didn't feel as heavy anymore nor in as much pain. It was almost so shocking you thought perhaps you had died. You even took a gander at slowly opening your eyes but hissed at the searing pain that throbbed through your head. You could hear footsteps come closer too loud for your pounding head.

"Brother Makara are you awake?" A soft spoken voice calls to you.

You groan softly and try again much slowly to open your eyes. The first thing you notice is the person leaning over you their paint pulling their eyes down An their lips painted up in a mock of the tragedy an comedy mask. His or her hair was all tied back messily and you could tell them wore a mediculler jacket. You had to blink a few more times to see all proper like. Still it was like some motherfucker had turned up the saturation an brightness on everything and if you found that fucker you'd give them a right crack over the horns. The clown beside you seemed pleased a bit but waited expectantly. You guess you could take a gander at talking.

"...fuck am I..?"

Your voice sounded strange to you. All hoarse and groggily and it hurt a bit in your throat to talk any. He smiled a bit at you now.

"You, my brother, are home. Welcome. You have had a rough couple of perigees more than most from your conscription. But, we have taken care to bring you back from the brink of the carnival~" He explained his voice having a soft spoken wave to it that seemed to match his wavy hair.

You blinked a bit glancing around some. You seemed to be in a large mediculler bay you do also duly note both your hands and feet were all strapped down An seemed to be all rubbed raw.

"...fuck...been pedigrees since conscription...?"

He nods moving away a small bit from you.

"Yes as I'm sure your well aware your addiction proved most difficult to break but yet hear you are and praise for that we honestly weren't sure if you would be able to pull through it. Now then I am more than all willing to help release you from those restraint should you promise to not be trying to bite no more?"

You scrunched your face a bit but then noticed the small bandage around his forearm that had dots of little purple along it.

"Shit fuck fam did I all do that to you..? Ain't got my remembering on of much stuff"

He waved it off some an went to start undoing the restraints.

"Isn't even a problem brother I have suffered far worse from far more unruly patients. Still if you do try it again I will be forced to sedate you and trust me I am much faster than you~"

You feel a slight shudder go down your spine an you know for a damn fact he wasn't kidding

"I'm all cool, aint going to be no biting or clawing just need some water an fuck all if I'm not the hungriest fucker that ever lived." You grinned all big at him showing your innocence while he finished undoing all the restraints.

He seemed to take your reasoning an nodded some. "Yes I imagine you probably are. Still, although you are off the brink of death you are extremely malnourished and will probably experience much weakness in the coming pedigrees at least. I do fully suggest taking it slow. One of the other brothers of church will surely be around soon to check on you as well. Your family was all worried about you, were even hosting prayers all up outside your room."

You frowned a little bit at that. Your family was worried and praying all for you. They barely even knew you but they was rooting for you to pull through. You feel your heart all swell with that most purest motherfucking gift. You swallowed dryly around the lump formed in our throat and took a moment to slowly start lifting yourself to sit up. It took you a couple tries and the mediculler didn't try to help you any, knew you had to up an Do this shit yourself. You finally managed to get it but fuck if it didn't wear you out to do so. He nodded at you some now an looked over his clip board. You only just noticed you were all buck ass naked with one of those unmirthful little Iv shits tapeddown something fierce to your arm. You scowl some at it but decide it best to not rip it out or get risked being all tied back down.

"Shit bro...ain't even all got a motherfuckers name?"

He glanced up some and you could see the hint of a smile there.

"It's Docton Satire, though most the church be all calling me Doc or mediculler Doc and some as my given title of Saviant. You can choose which all you prefer I don't seems to have a preference"

You kind of liked the Doc so you guess you could all be calling him that. You did make a mental note to ask on how all he got his title.

"Bitchtits~ now how could a fucker all get his grub on and maybe some fucking cloth.." you pause for a moment catching a glimpse of yourself in one of the metal shining cabinet.

Your face heated up all bright as your pure blood as the reflection of your bare face stared back. You were so use to having paint on constantly you didn't even realize you were all bare for this fucker to see. You quickly covered your face with your hands the shame hitting you hard. You were all causually talking at this fucker just all bare to see. He seemed to notice your sudden distress and went to flip through his capchalouge producing a small pallet of paint.

"Here brother ain't no need to be all embarrassed as every fucker as comes in here has to all be bare for me to do my job. Get all yourself together while I gather some clothing for you and then I'll track down someone to help you get food." He hands you the pallet of paints and you are overly thankful that he has now turned his gaze away from your holy face.

You mutter a soft thanks at him an he nods leaving to find you some clothing. You make quick work at painting at your face not even needing a mirror to trace the familiar design. By the time you had finished an all sealed it up to stay Doc was coming back in with some clothes and you noted the other person he brought in was a bit taller than him long hair all braided back and a big grin. His paint was all swirls around his cheeks an eyes and he had a green diamond traced around his left eye.

"Here I believe these should fit your build for now. This is Schoolfeeder Drexic I trust him to get you to where you need to be."

The guy Drexic came over all slow as if you were made of glass to which you probably would have taken offense if you didn't look like you were literally going to break.

"Heyyyy brother glad to up an see you all alive. We was all worried on you" His voice was all low and rumbled in his chest but he seemed kind enough.

You got the clothes on quickly it just being a black shirt and some black sweats. You turned back to him some.

"Shit nice to meet you Uh sorry if I got some worry up on my brothers and sisters" you rub the back of your head a little feeling all shamed and guilt at causing so much worry on your family an you ain't even met at any of them yet.

He laughs some all deep An bellowing but grins all wide hooking you around the shoulders and rubbing his knuckle between your horns.

"Don't worry none on it! We just glad to see you up an talking! Now ain't none of us but Doc here annfew select other all know what was going on and your secret to keep so if any fuckers try to be making you talk shit that you don't want to be spilling come let me know I'll set them straight~!"

He lets you go now but somehow you end up grinning alongside him. Doc is rolling his eyes some beside you.

"Drex do not injury my patients! We've talked this over" Doc huffed our at him.

Drex turned to grub at the Doc but you could see a bit more fang in that grin that made you think maybe a twinge of black feelings might be sparking between them but Drex held his hands up defensively and backed off.

"Got it got it~ alright come on brother Makara let's get you some food know you be starving cause fuck I am~"

You nodded some while he helped you all stand letting you steady yourself on your own. Walking felt weird like your joints were all stiff and yet your limbs were all numb. Drex seemed to notice you stretching out your limbs some.

"Sore? Yeah I know it ain't none pleasant being up in there. One time got a right crack over my head in practice had to all spent a couple days in there! Man by third day was ready to all but kill Doc~!" He laughed some at himself making a motion of a fist over his chest at a few chatting clowns who walked by them stopping to return the motion before wandering off down the never ending halls.

You noted to remember that an ask about it later but now you could start to all smell food an it made your stomach do flips.

"Fuck this place is a maze.." you mutter under your breath looking down long ass hallways that just had more an more hallways.

Drex laughed some at you an grinned. "Give it a few perigrees you all start to learn where shit is at like fuck man even I get all lost every once in a while an I been here five sweeps~"

You let yourself laugh a bit at that while he leads you out into a big commons room lined with several tables full of chatting clowns. A good portion of the room bushes down looking over your way and you are rightly glad that Doc gave you some paint because your face would be full on purple now.

Drax grins some and bellows put a loud 'WHOOP WHOOP!' To the crowd. They erupted into whoops and an amount of praises to the messiahs. You watch all wide eyed now an drax turns to you grinning.

"All these fuckers we're praying you making it through they been bugging me and Doc nonstop about you~"

You were suddenly all swarmed by family some as were much older than you but some even were all younger which struck you weird.

"Brother! Glad to see you up!"

"Shit we all was wondering when you'd get around to joining us~"

"Ain't fair he got to all sleep in! Still good to see you up an alive."

You were suddenly so full of motherfucking miraculous warmth of family that you were at a loss for words. Drax grinned some telling them all to give you a bit of space as you weren't all quite whole yet. You gave a shuddery breath holding back from crying in front of them but all you could manage to say was, " _Praise Messiahs both I am home."_


	4. Chapter 4

Be Karkat in the past.

You are now Karkat a couple perigrees in the past. You by some bullshit miracle to udont believ in have survived conscription by hiding yourself under a poor dead yellow blood. Once the chaos died down you got yourself up hurriedly an ducked in to the group of rust bloods more talking all hush and some trying to comfort others from the loss of quadrantmates. Your heart feels heavy and your mind is foggy and dazed. Your moirail is surely dead now. Gamzee your irritating lovable dope was probably a big purple splatter on the ground. You should be dead. What are you even doing now? In a couple sweeps your eyes will all be that bright hideous fucking color and you'll be culled probably in a worse way. You were ushered in an seated beside a rusted orange blood listening to some overly obnoxious loud music and another who seemed to be barely keeping herself together holding onto a blood soaked shirt. Somehow none of this seemed real to you. Like it was all a dream. A couple lower bloods came through all cussing on adulthood and making sure everyone was all in their seats. They didn't even spare a glance at the weeping girl beside you. You couldn't help but turn to look the shirt in her hands sprayed with a soft brown blood. You think despite her crying face she was kind of pretty? Her hair was all in curls around her rounded face and her horns swooped back behind her ears.

"..are you okay? Shit Uh course your not how could you be? Sorry was a shitty question" you fumbled trying to make conversation.

She glanced up at you all wide eyed as if she forgot there were other trolls here.

"I...my moirail...too outside of spectrum for their liking..." she mumbled between hiccups.

Poor girl. Hiccuping for a troll meant they were all in great distress and needed a moirail all bad. Still you knew how she felt the thought that you would never see or hear gamzee again made your heart squeeze painfully tight cutting your breath from you.

"...mine too...not the color...but too small and weak for them...fuckers" you muttered through grit teeth havignto calm yourself from digging your claws into your skin and throwing everyone on the shuttle into a culling mood.

Her eyes softened at you knowing your pain all to well.

"My names anarel...yours?"

You looked up an extended your hand lightly to her, a platonic friendly enough gesture. "Karkat Vantas"

She took your hand seeming to relax just a small bit before retreating her hand around the shirt and looking out the window the shuttle starting to raise up. She reached over gripping the seat and shutting her eyes.

"Oh fuck oh fuck were going to die after all that were going to crash and die"

You felt your eyes widen at her reaction. Was she scared of being up this high? You awkwardly reached over an parted at her hand.

"Uh know I'm not your moirail or anything but it's alright ain't going to fucking crash or nothing. Soon as well get up high enough won't even be able to crash won't be any gravity just be floating all gently" you tried to comfort her.

She nodded a little bit seeming still anxious but releasing her claws from the seat having little rips in it.

"Sorry...I lived in a cave not used to being up high in any means"

You waved it off. Not like any of you had been up in a ship like this before anyway. You had to admit you yourself were a ball of fucking anxiety. She cleared her throat a small bit.

"Do you know what squadrant you'll be in?" Anarel asks her voice still wavy with fear laced into it.

You had been handed a paper upon entering the shuttle that stated your squadrant. You fished it out of your pocket looking it over. "Uhh squadrant 16 under general Naxert thresacutioner battalion"

She suddenly grins all wide. "Seriously?? Me too what room are you bunked in??"

She's suddenly a ball of energy which didn't match her current state of tear and blood stained face.

You looked over the paper some. "Uh says dorm hall 18 room 1"

"Oh cool that's not going to be far from me I'll be in dorm hall 15 room 6"

You grinned a small bit at her. At least you would know someone here that gave you some sense of ease in all this confusion. Suddenly a tall troll came into the room all of you were seated in. His formal military outfit was well decorated with badges of honor and his hair was all short and combed back around his horns that pointed forward in front of his face. You could tell from here that his blood was an orange hue. He cleared his throat an everyone fell quiet including yourself.

"Listen up recruits! I am general Naxert or general Nax if you really want. I am your commanding officer for the duration of your training and acclimation into adult life. Right now we are on a shuttle to dock onto my ship _The Calvelier_ where we will do a lift speed jump to rendezvous with the other fleet including _The Condescension_ the empresses personal ship. Keep in mind now I am not your damn babysitter and I don't give a fuck if you have any complaints. I understand you all have gone through some shit as is common during conscription but now your dusty is to your specious and your empire! When we meet up to the fleet everyone will be fed an any who need a mediculler will be escorted by my lieutenants. You do not lose your escort. It's a bigass ship and I will be pissed if I have to spend all night playing hide and seek with a couple wrigglers who can't follow instructions. After eating and showering you will all be assigned your training schedule. Those who are assigned under me raise your hands so I can get familiar with your faces!"

You and Ana raise your hands shyly along with about twelve other fuckers. General Nax looks over your faces nodding.

"Good seems like some of you can follow instructions. Now then you will be under my command for the next two sweeps. I will not lie to you it will be hell for all of you. And I cannot promise all of you will make it! In fact I'm certain only about half of you will. Train hard and follow my lead and I will ensure as many of you survive as possible," he took a deep sigh now an paused for a moment. "On the matter for those of you who have lost ones close. Quadrants and friends alike. I am sorry however do not let their death strike down your life. Do not forget them, many today have seen matesprites parish, seen fierce rivaliang kismesis brought down low and ended and seen moirails close fall to pieces and this should be your driving force. Let it fuel you to strive on instead of fall alongside them. It is your life and you need to survive and live it. Find solace in your comrades around you and keep fighting on. That is all I have to say for now it will be a short ride to our ship in which we will dock but the ride to the fleet will be a while so be prepared for a long ride. "

And with that he steps back off through the doors he came from leaving us in a heavy silence. You had been thinking hard on upon arriving at your room to just up an end your life itself. But maybe your general is right. You could never forget gamzee but you know if he was listening to your thoughts right now he would be telling you some stupid shit like your life was a miracle and should be cherished. Fuck you miss him already and you have to bite your tongue to keep from crying. You gently pullout a necklace from under your shirt. At the end a clear little glass marble all swirled up with rich purple inthe middle. Gamzee had actually made this for you from the sand around his home and his blood. He gave a part of his life force to create this for you. He even had one that matched perfectly using a bit of your own blood for his.

Ana seemed to catch you staring longingly at the little marble.

"Is that from your moirail...?" She asked all softly to you.

You nodded wordlessly your chest constricting as tightly as you were holding it. You swallowed around the lump in your throat and looked up at her.

"Yeah...yeah it is. Was a wriggling day present...you know. I think the General is right. I should keep living as long as I can...for him." You feel yourself resolve even as you say these words more for yourself than anything.

She seems to bite the difference in you an then nods a bit. "You're right. I miss my moirail dearly but he wanted to be here as much as me...so I'm going to be here and I'm going to train for the both of us."

You grin a bit nodding and clutching the marble eyes staring forward in pure determaination. You were going to survive or at least die fighting. It's the least you owe to Gamzee.


	5. Chapter 5

General Nax was not kidding when he said it was a long ride. It was nearing the 9 hour mark on your way to _The condescension._ Luckily you happen to have a plethora of books in your captch. You were massively unprepared for this all considering you were fully expecting and should have been culled on the spot. So of course dumbass past you didn't think to pack a husktop or any means of communication device. You would kill to talk to any of your hate friends. Fuck you would kill to talk to Kanaya, Terezi or Nepeta right now, shit you would even settle for talking to fuckign Vriska or Equius at the point. Of course during the trip you an Ana had become quick friends. She told you all about her hive and lusus and even was able to talk about her moirail. You learned she was a talented singer and that she liked to hunt and collected different rocks that she found around her home. She was definitely a strange girl but you didn't mind the company any. You even got to talking to her about your love for romcoms and romance novels and how you An your lusus always got into fights at each other but man you fucking missed Crabdad. Ana was about mid sentence through talking another a specific rock she found one time when the whole ship lurched forward sending a bunch of you in questioning anxiety. General Nax came out looking fairly tired and holding what seemed like a fresh cup of coffee.

"CALM DOWN!" He had to shout over the raised voices of concern in the room. It didn't take much for everyone to settle after that. "Alright now then we have just docked at the _The Condescension._ I know everyone here if fucking tired because _I'm_ fucking tired so let's make this as painless as possible. We're all going to exit the ship in an orderly fucking manner. Each recruit is going to go stand by their leading officer. My recruits will follow me I hope to fuck you know to recognize me by now or this will be a long two sweeps. In case you don't I'm the one with all the damn badges and the shouty attitude. Now then everyone lets move out."

Ana starts to get up and you follow suit stretching making your joints pop all loudly in complaint.

"We better get going then?"

You nod some at her an yawn all big. Fuck if it wasn't an exhausting night. At this point you just felt so fucking numb to everything.

"Yeah would hate to get on his bad side already." You agreed and you both took to following An gathering in a group in front of General Nax.

You note the guy that had been nonchalantly listening to music the whole ride to your right was also in your group. You glanced around some more noting the others in your group a few rust bloods, couple yellows and browns and one olive. Overall you all seemed like a rowdy bunch. They all were chatting idly over who was dorming with who. You noticed the olive blood and a yellow blood embracing an crying some. You think by how close they were that they were pale but your intuition says red. When they share a soft kiss you grin some knowing your countless novels and movies had proved to make you right. Still you couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt at seeing their quadrant reunited. But you didn't have time to feel sorry for yourself because the group was now moving and you had to struggle to keep up and not get lost.

"Alright recruits pay attention because I'm not prone to be repeating myself. This here is docking bay A. This is the primary docking bay you will use in the far future. Follow me this way."

The general lead your group off down some corridor and you tried to make mental note of where everything led. Thankfully everyone around you seemed just as confused as you so that made you feel much less stupid.

"Over her is the commons room this is one of four and all squads are permitted to use any of them but so help me if I find anyone fighting over stupid shit one more time I will restrict you to the training grounds for amusement."

Another large troll cake over hooking an arm causually around the generals neck having a wide grin.

"Aww Nax are these your little wrigglers they are all motherfucking cute~"

Judging by the tone of voice you'd say she was female seeming to be of higher blood, you would guess blue if not purple, and build like a damn tank all lean muscle and in obvious training gear. General Nax seemed more irritated now glaring at her.

"Tresha would you fucking please I'm trying to show my recruits around."

This Tresha just laughed all loud at him now and patted his back hard grinning at all of us.

"Hey all ya'll little ones~! I'm trainee Tresha I'll be handling all your training regimens! Don't all be scared now Nax is all shouts and fire but he's nothing if not trustworthy!"

General Nax rolled his eyes and waved her off of him. "Tresha I have a bunch of wrigglers I have to get fed and showered shown to rooms and then processed and I haven't slept in over a night. Please for fucks sake get back to training those ones or get your ass over an help out."

Tresha laughed at him and damn near cooed at the general who scowled over at her.

"Fine Fine I'll get back to training but trust me these boys be all ready to go out on their own soon~"

General Nax snorted and rolled his eyes turning back to us. "Alright then after that clusterfuck let's move the fuck on hopefully with as few distractions as possible. Like I was fucking saying this is the training grounds we'll be using until you all get more advanced then we'll switch off with other teams to using the bigger obstacle course. Now this way over here is your eating block. It's open from six until nine and is closed through day so no midday snacking. If you want food fucking keep it in your room. Me I don't much care for doing any sort of dorm checks mostly because I could care less what crap you keep in there however do not give me a reason to change that. Meals are served at seven, midnight, and eight but you are free to get snacks in between your schedules. There is not a lot of downtime here your training will probably be from nine to seven with a forty five minute lunch in between. I don't expect everyone to be fully ready for training off the back so you will have tomorrow night off for the sake of my own damn sanity and the amounts of paperwork I have to do. Now each of you follow me and when I call your name I will take you to your room please for fucks sake wash up quickly and meet me back here in the eating room."

General Nax took each one of us to our respective rooms and you were pleasantly surprised you didn't have to have bunked rooms like some of the other groups had. You said your bye to Ana for now and stepped back into your room. It was too huge but you think you could make it rather comfortable. It was maybe ten paces by twenty five paces with a small closet, abultion block with bath and an empire issued coon. The slime looked so inviting reminding you how tired you were but you needed to shower an get this blood off you quickly. You stepped into the abultion block stripping quickly an setting the shower to warm. You rubbed the bright glaring red gills across your grub scars. You know you will have to be extra careful to hide your blood here. You have to train hard to be better you cannot get hurt you can not bleed. You can't die. For the memory of Gamzee you cannot die here you made it this far you need to keep going. You sighed softly to yourself stepping into the welcoming water and leaning up into it. God it felt to good to have the warm water against your skin. Luckily enough you always kept soap in your captch since gamzee never seemed to have any so you quickly washed yourself off and scrubbed your skin same near raw to get rid of the dried blood on you. Once satisfied of your cleanliness you got out wrapping in a towel you had in your captch and drying off your hair. You moved to grab a few things from out of your captch to make yourself seem a little more normal. You taped down your gills so no one would be able to see them through your shirt and then pulled on your turtle neck you had kanaya make you. It was all solid black but had a special plant silk woven into it to serve as armor. It was resistant to cuts an should be perfect for this place. You also put on some grey concealer around you face to hide and too red of hue from showing even going as far as to use a much darker rust red shade to powder on. You looked yourself over in the mirror satisfied that you pass as a rust well enough. You quickly dried off your hair and started to head out making sure you locked the door and captcholouged your key heading back through the halls to where a couple others of your group were eating already. General Nax made note of your approach and ushered you over.

"State your name for me"

"..uh Karkat Vantas sir"

He nodded some and went to gesture you to sit down.

"We're still waiting on a few but here is your food card don't lose it. If you lose it it will take at least 48 hours to replace it and you won't be able to get meals. Your three meals are covered by the imperial army but anything outside of that will come from your military salary. There are also commissary shops in several locations, vendors and other entertainments that you can purchase and use on Said salary. You are expected to pay rent on your room outside of that you do not have any other bills. I suggest you use your free time for training as much as possible. I'm expected to have you all up to your first mission out in 6 perigrees. You can take your card and scan over there to get your meal. Understand?"

You nod numbly taking mental note of everything he said.

He nodded back grinning some. "Good you have any questions?"

"Just one sir. When can I start training?"


	6. Chapter 6

After a couple of weeks you started to get into a fairly normal schedule. Wake up early, go out to the training room, practice with your sickles, go to training with your group for most the day, go back to your room An practice more. You had to keep moving, keep going on. It was like you couldn't stop. Because, if you stopped for even a moment you would think about him. His goofy laugh, his never ending smile, his gentle paps that always kept you grounded to the here and now. You wish you had been able to at least tell him goodbye but for whatever reason you had blank spots in your memory. You shook you head gritting your teeth trying to shake the memories. You punched at the hanging sack you've been beating at for the last hour before wiping off the beads of sweat around your face. You could start to hear your other teammates flood in to the training grounds so you shifted over to grab a small towel and wipe at your forehead.

"Hey Karkat! Man your up here early again?" Ana called out to you entering the room with a few others.

You chuckled a bit at them wiping at your face off.

"Just wanted a head start of the day" you replied taking a drink from your water bottle.

She nodded a little bit at you and grinned some. "Well Hey were about to all get breakfast if you want to join us?"

You stomach was starting to fill full of knots about now. Why the fuck not you suppose.

"Yeah sure I'm starving." You grinned following their lead now.

Ana moves some letting you walk alongside her while another two trolls of your team were bickering back an forth. She leaned over to you rolling her eyes.

"Larech and tanrem have been waxing black since yesternight I say give it another three nights before they officially quadrant~" Ana whispered to you grinning all wide.

You snort watching the two interact poking and nudging at each other. Larech was a tall lean bronze blood with wide horns and a snarky attitude which completely contradicted Tanrem a yellow blood who was usually all soft spoken but was damn near unbeatable in battle. You'd say they actually balance out pretty well as a quadrant.

"Bet they turn pale by tomorrow night" you state looking them over.

She snorted looking at you with disbelief. "No way! With how their acting you think they would be pale??"

You nod a bit heading over to scan your card atthe machine it dispensing a tray for you to get food.

"Yeah I think so. They are all up in arms now but think once that calms over they'll realize their good opposites and vacillate pale"

Ana laughed at you a bit scanning her own card and grabbing some fruit to add to her tray. You recently learned she preferred not eating any kind of meat and only really stuck to fruits and vegetables. You were also pretty prompt to tell her that was fucking weird and stupid considering there might be times where there are no fruits and vegetables while on missions. She responded by teasing you on how there would also be no romcoms. From there it turned into a long ass pansearing converstion. You went to grab some eggs, bacon and toast and scooted down to get a cup of juice before finding your way over to your little group who were having an in dept discussion about a movie they had watched.

"No no reshak should have took his gun and shot him before he terrorized the rainbow drinkers then he wouldn't have been betrayed!"

"No that's stupid he didn't suspect him of being one until after the big boss hinted onto it!"

You roll your eyes sitting beside them Ana , Tanrem and Larech soon joining you.

"You really should join us for movie night Karkat! We could even watch one of those romances you like so much!" Ana piped up cheerfully.

You scrunched you face at the idea. You didn't want to spend any time watching movies now. They brought up too many memories of you and him laying peacefully in the pale with some popcorn and his shitty Faygo. You had to bite your tongue hard to escape that thought.

"Nah I'm all good would rather practice some more." You stated plainly around a mouthful of eggs.

"Come on you're always training come have some fun~"

You waved them off finishing your food quickly and getting up. "I'm going back to training.." you mumbled walking off back toward the training grounds.

You did feel a little bad for storming off like that but you really didn't want to get close to anyone anymore. You honestly didn't think you could get close to anyone. Ana was nice she really was but you knew she was starting to wax Pale for you and you know you couldn't handle that right now.

You spent most of the night trying to avoid talking to them

And as soon as General Nax released you guys you rushed all back to your room past all of them. As soon as you made it back into your room you sort of collapsed holding your head in your hands. Your breath was all coming in quick pants and your chest tightened all painful. Fuck. _Fuck._ You couldn't hold back the pain in your chest and each breath came over you like crashing waves dragging you deeper and deeper into pure panic. You wish you had been killed. You wish you were younger when none of this mattered. You wish you could end all of this. _You wish Gamzee was here._

You slowly get up and stumble your way to the abultion block holding your chest and panting hard. You stepped over a small pile of clothes not paying attention and slipping smashing your face into the tile. A sharp pain shot through your face and you felt the cold drip of blood fall down your face and splatter across the tile. You cursed under your breath just curling up onto the floor holding your nose trying to ease the pain away. You shakily went to hold the small purple marble in your hand staring all at it. Fuck you want your moirail. He annoyed the all fuck out of you but damn if you were pity struck for him. _Was_ pity struck for him. Your heart squeezed painfully tight choking off the breath you were taking.

A loud knock on your door shot a dose of pure panic straight through you. It took a few struggling tried to sit up holding your nose and grabbing a nearby towel to place against it. You felt one hand up at the tender spot, thankfully nothing seemed to be broken. Still it would be sore as all fuck. Another knock sounded hard at the door and you rushed about cleaning up any specks of blood you could find on you and rushing over to tentively peek open through the door. There stood a tall troll in uniform who held out an evenlope to you.

"Karkat Vantas right? This is for you from your commanding officer"

You took the envelope shakily and mumbled a thanks shutting the door all quickly before he could see any blood from you. You glanced over the envelope suspiciously shuffling over to your makeshift pile of clothes, books and movies. Fuck your head was pounding now up to your horns. You made quick work ripping the envelope open and pulling out the letter looking over it. Weird. It was a formal letter.

Hello trainees,

I'm having this letter sent out to all of you due to a serious issue taking place on _The Condescension_ that requires my immediate attention. I will be home over the next few nights so I suggest you all fucking behave and stick to your schedules. I will have a few lieutenants check in on you occasionally to record progress until I return.

Signed, You know exactly who the fuck I am

You made a face at the letter obviously being from your General. What kind of Emergancy could possibly be going on that they would request him to leave such short notice? _The Condescension_ was about a two an a half hour flight to the other side of the fleet so it must have been important. You shrug some to yourself tossing the note aside and laying back on the pile feeling suddenly drained from the rapid panic and then smashing your face not so eloquently into the floor because of said panicking. Whatever, if it was that important he would of told all of you what was going on. Well, at least you think so. General Nax was fairly open an upfront guy. You actually kind of liked him and his brash ways in training all of you. Thankfully, you had been excercising extreme caution during training to make sure no one could get close enough to accidentally nick you or anything else. The most you've suffered was some dark bruising but your clothes covered all of that. You sighed heavily your chest still feeling all tight. Within the first few days you had gotten there you took stock of everything in your captcholouge magazine to find some of gamzees things in there that you've since then carefully added to your pile. The smell of faygo, grease paint and salt filled your senses slowly lulling you into sleep.

 _Everything around you was all quiet and dark. When did you get here? Where the fuck even was here? After a few moments you shifted your hands in the darkness trying to feel about. The ground below you was coarse and cold to the touch and when you moved your hands you could feel the cold sharp clink of chains. Bile rose to your throat realizing you could feel them on all of your limbs restraining you down tightly. You tested pulling at the chains but could barely move an inch. Panic started selling in your chest and you tugged at them harder the rattling clinks echoing on the walls._

 _"Hello!? Someone better let me the fuck out now! I swear I will cull everyone if you don't let me out right the fuck now!"_

 _Your words were only met with the reverberating echo of your own voice. You stilled at a new sound appeared. Footsteps. They circled around you slow with a sharp click, click, click. They sounded like heels to you. Your senses were suddenly overwhelmed by a strong cold salty scent that seemed to be trying to suffocate you. It filled your nose and mouth to the point you could taste it along with the bile at the back of your throat. A cold soprano laugh rang through the walls sending unpleasant shivers up and down your spine._

 _"My my what a little guppy I caught~ too bad you can't stay longer but you krilly must be going~"_

 _You felt the very tip of a culling fork pressed harshly against your chest and you tugged and pulled at the chains until your joints ached. Then there was a sudden flash of white hot pain searing it's way into your chest and overwhelming you. You couldn't think, couldn't act over the intense pain. Fuck it burned so bad. Chilled mutant bright blood bubbled up from your throat cutting off what little air your body was trying to pull in. You ended up coughing and sputtering around the blood and pain working its way through your body. Your head suddenly felt light and heavy at the same time and flecks of light dancing in your blinding vision. A loud cold menacing laugh sounded off the walls the last thing you could hear before death began to take you._


	7. Chapter 7

_Be Gamzee_

You spent most of your first night aboard _The Dark Carnival_ being led around by brothers and sisters all showing you where things were at. You still couldn't all quite get the layout but you were starting to get an idea of the main areas. Still you did have to stop every once in a while an sit for a bit most of that time was spent apologizing to your brothers showing you around. They didn't seem to mind too much but you just had this aching exhaustion settling over you. You supposed that was to be expected you were in the mediculler bay for couple weeks getting yourself all sobered up. Still that deep usated hunger for sopor lingered with you. You wanted it so bad it was damn near killing you and taking over just about every thought in your mind. You had to ignore it. You wish your little mutant palemate was here. He would have been so fucking proud at you being cleannof that shit that's rotted so many fucking holes in your pan you can barely even remember him. That's what fucks with you the worse. So many memories all dissolved by Your fucking shameful addiction that you could hardly even remember your own moirail. Still you cherished those few memories that you did have. Schoolfeeder Drexic has been helping you along for the most part. Right now you were trying to make your way to your new room but had to stop when darkness started dancing in your vision. Still he didn't complain at all just let you sit down and get yourself a small rest before you had to get back up at it. You appreciated them helping but motherfuck if it didn't make you feel weak as shit. You are not fucking weak. You're a skilled fighter, and quick an light on your feet, and a terrible moirail and a fuck up and an addict...fuck. Your thoughts kept coming back to haunt you with shame at your mistakes. You would chew your hands off and bite your own tongue out before you would ever put anymore of that filth in your body.

You rubbed your head trying to ease the headache away before slowly starting to get back up using the wall as leverage. You also appreciated that Schoolfeeder Drex wasn't trying to help you up, liked that they let you all do this shit on your own strength even with as little as that was right now. It took some strain on your legs but you managed to get yourself up and standing again albeit a bit out of breath.

"A..alright I'm all up an ready to get moving on some more" you muttered all soft feeling guilty he had to be stuck chauffeuring you around all night.

Drex nodded some still grinning all wide. You had to admit his grin means all contagious.

"Ain't even a problem brother here just over this corner this one will be your room can decorate an shit as you see fit. No one will enter your room without any kind of your permission so it's all safe to have whatever you deem fit and comfortable to you. If any motherfucker up annenters without permission or takes anything come report that shit to me cause I won't be having none of that shit." Drex showed you the door punching in the key code for it.

The room itself was rather large but you weren't al lthat surprised since _The Dark Carnival_ itself was a fairly large ship made to hold more than triple its current population. Also meant everyone could all get their own room and abultion block which you were overly thankful for. Didn't think you could handle if you had to share a shower with all brothers and sisters to see. Why shit would be downright shameful.

"Uh thanks Schoolfeeder Drex this is motherfucking wicked to all be having my own place."

He laughed a bit and patted your shoulder gently.

"Enjoy it take a good abultion, tomorrow we'll all be starting you off training slow get you up to speed in no time don't be worrying on that none! Oh and right down this hall here be the commons room got some movies, games and shit all up in there for when your not in training. And, most importantly straight down this hall at the end of all the rooms you'll be finding too big double doors green and red. Go through them to get to church~"

You felt a soft ping in your body up to your horns an felt yourself all smiling true and pure for first time in seems like a long fucking time.

"Yeah motherfucking...church sounds all kinds of right about now" you spoke all softly feeling the warmth in your own tone.

Drex smiles softly at you an ruffled your hair between your horns. "We'll go on then get cleaned up and can meet us for six o'clock sermon think there will be someone you'll want to be getting your meet on with~"

With that Drex waved and left you in your room to get all set up. You did note that thankfully the room was void of any sopor sleeping pod and instead had a cushioned bed. You admit it would be hard to sleep without the inviting sopor but you didn't want the temptation there.

It was really strange being here, like you weren't really planning on being alive so you didn't have a lot of important stuff in your captch anyway. You did tend to keep a lot of your personal items, religious clown artifacts you found and even some of Karkats stuff for whenever he would come over and forget his clothes or things. You think you should probably hold off on going through a stock of your things if only because you don't think your ready to see his stuff. With a deep sigh you slowly peeled out of the black clothes Doc had lent you. The abultion block wasn't too big but was a decent size for just you and the tub should all hold you pretty well. You leaned over the tub flicking the shower onto warm and waiting for it to heat up before caughting a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. A shallow sunken in skeleton of a troll stared back. His hair was mangled up and his ribs jutted out farther than you thought a troll with skin could. Dull purple eyes locked to yours covered by a think layer of paint that didn't do much in masking the pure exhaustion. You didn't recognize yourself at all. You had to pull your eyes from staring at the deathly skeleton and force yourself to step into the water. The warmth quickly seeped into you relaxing your tired and aching muscles. You don't think you could admit how fucking badly you needed this shower. Every ounce of your skin had felt dirty and dried like leather but seemed to all soften and clean up after a couple minutes of good scrubbing with soap. Your matted up hair however took a good portion of the soap and several minutes of fighting with it using condition and two combs before it would all untangle how you wanted. Once satisfied with that you scrubbed off the paint from your face, luckily enough Doc let you keep the pallet you had used earlier. Would be a motherfucking embarrassment to have to up an scoot to a brothers room an borrow some paint all bare faced.

You did spend maybe a tad bit longer in the shower than necessary but damn if it didn't feel good. You even managed to find a blow dryer and air out your hair it fluffing up down your back until you tied it all up in braids and shoved them in a bun on top of your head. It didn't take much time at all to get your face all on and fully dried off. Luckily, you had a change of clothes, just some purple pants and a black shirt with your symbol all snug on the front. You took a good look at yourself in the mirror and decide this is as good as you'll get to be looking.

\--

It wasn't all that hard to find the chapel doors despite how big an confusing the place was. The doors were large and opened with a steady stream of cheerful family flooding in which made it easier to follow the crowd. The floors were all marbled black with flecks of gold an polished to shine bright in the soft candlelight and the walls were all swirls of shining color and murals of your messiahs delicately painted up across the ceiling surrounded by colorful streams of cloth. It was damn near Mesmerizing how the candlelight glinted on the walls reflecting streams of color all around the room. You went to remove your shoes all respectfully and set them back up against the wall before stepping out into your family the soft trillling him of your collective voodoos rang in your mind and up to your horns calming all previous worries of you. Soft murmurs of prayers sent up could be heard echoing back to you across the room and relaxing you into peace. This felt like home. Home. _Karkat_. He was your home your everything. Been together damn near since grubhood. Destined diamonds since hatching. You didn't even notice when the prayer for loss flooded out of your mouth like it was only thing keeping you held together. It is though. Your family and your grand messiahs right now is all that be keeping your soul in tact from shattering like sea glass across this floor. You could physically feel your brothers and sisters holding you up and it was all you could do not to break down right there. This is your family and your life now and although your only soul quadrant has come and left this life you allow yourself to pray as soft as silk for you to be blessed to see him in the carnival. You know he wasn't religious and didn't buy into your messiahs but damn you pray with all your being that they take mercy on his unfaithful soul and hold him until you arrive one day. As your blessed scripture says " _None shall be gone just as none shall be born. For in the lights and festivities you are born and shall return home. So take not fear nor sorrow from your life as has been given; instead take peace and solace that for once you are done you may come home once again to be rejoined with faithful once lived."_ You found yourself muttering the script to yourself and stood looking up at the murals and lights knowing this life is only temporary and you must live it as the gift it is. Messiahs have it all planned for you and you cannot begin to comprehend the life they have awaiting, all you can do is know they will do what they think is best for you. It wasn't long before a comfortable silence fell across the crowd the soft hum of everyone still tingling in your horns. Your eyes casted up to the pulpit a tall figure adorned with a flowing purple jacket stepped out. His horns were large you could even see them twisting from here. Dark indigo eyes locked on to your own and you saw the glint of razor sharp adult teeth grin. You sucked in a breath shock washing over you like a blanket.


	8. Chapter 8

You couldn't even begin to describe the weird sensation that flooded up your spine at seeing him. There, in the soft colored lights of the pulpit, bare feet and painted up face was _the_ Grand Highblood. And, he was wearing your matching insignia. Fucker was tall and you don't mean like adult hugeass troll kind of tall, no like he towered over everyone. His horns all curled and twisted upward ending in sharp pricks and you could tell even from here in the light that there were more than a few chips and divots in them. His face was all lean and angled his nose coming to a point while his holy paint gave him a wide wild grin across his face in a mock of what you know would be razor sharp teeth behind that grin. As tall as he was he was all lanky like you, not really in a malnutrition way like your bones, but he did have a good bit of muscle at least from what you could tell around the large purple grand robe he wore. His hair did remind you strongly of yours all wild curls and untame waves, and you had to stop yourself from laughing loudly at the thought of the grand highblood battling with a comb to untangle his hair. There were however subtle differences too. Your eyes slanted down all angles while his were up and sharp as well as his nose being pointed and yours had more of a straight edge. Likewise your cheek bones were a bit lower down than his and his jawline was a wide angle while yours was all narrow.

Still though it was really weird, like looking at a picture of yourself you don't quite remember taking. You understood now what Drex had meant she he said there was someone you would want to meet. Not every fucker can get to say he up an met his ancestor let alone talk to him. And damn you were totally going to meet this badass fucker.

He cleared his throat some it reverberating across the walls and everyone stared up all wide eyed and hushed but voodoos thrumming themselves through everyone like one massive heart beat.

"Greeting my family, my blood. Allow yourself to enter the sanctum of the Holiest motherfucking Messiahs~ I see many the new Holy paints lets motherfucking welcome our newest faithful~" He spoke his voice a strange soothing mix of deep gravel and soft silk.

Several of your brothers and sisters yelled out whoops and welcoming praise. A few even patted all soft at your back muttering words all of welcome and good health. You were glad you took your hair down cause you were pretty sure your ears would all be purple now at that. Still it was a welcoming gesture. The highblood nodded pleased at the response.

" _We welcome our faithful open arms and open minds into the blood so as they may be reborn through our means of flesh and soul. Bellow our your praise, rise your voice rowdy to the never ending stars for here we are made of flesh and blood and here we shall welcome all to The Dark Carnival."_

A loud echo of rowdy noise raised up around you chattering through you and you found yourself joining them in praise damn near hypnotized and high off the church itself. Shit was so good and right almost made you not miss the sopor. Almost.

The GrandHighblood grinned all teeth glinting in the light.

"Welcome our children of the Messiahs, as you can up and motherfucking figure I am the Grand Highblood. At least I am the _current_ Grand Highblood. I am also the highest holy priest of our church until one day as I should pass my title to whom I have deemed to be worthy of it. I look foreword to be personally meeting each an everyone of my new faithful. I will also be overseeing some promising young laughsassins and subjugalators in training. " _Fear not for if you feel rightly to judge yourself harshly, let that harshness dissipate and give faith to our Messiahs as they judge what they deem fit."_ In other words if you think your motherfucking not doing as well as others don't be taking shit to yourself, let the Messiahs will come to pass."

You suddenly felt those words all aim straight at you. The heavy burden of shame, guilt, exhaustion, mourning was all resting on your shoulders and you could all barely stand nor breathe. His words did all help to take some of that edge off of you. He was right. The Messiahs all designed you to be as you are, a test of faith to go through so much and faith you are. You crawled from the caverns fighting tooth and claw, you raised yourself, you found your perfect quadrantmate even for as short as you had him and you survived sopor addiction. The Messiahs willed it to be so and you should be as harsh at yourself for how they work. Shit is miraculous as it is mysterious.

The rest of church was a blur of hymns, praises and sacred scripture you memorized immediately and took straight to heart and mind. It was like each verse healed a small bit of your heart. Still hurt worse than any injury you had ever gotten, even more than the time you had all snuck out to go swimming in the ocean and the undertow had dragged you under the waves slamming your back into the coral. Karkat had ended up rescuing you dragging your bloody ass back to shore with your back all shredded up and sobbing. Still had some bitchin cool scars as stupid as the story was for them. You couldn't help but to wonder if your ancestor had scars with stories too. You'd bet he probably had a fuckton and it would be all miraculous to hear at those stories especially from someone who had all lived this long. Think you all heard a few brothers mention him and the current empress was all hatchmates. Shit would make him old as dirt and bones and damn nearing the end of a long, long lifespan even for a pure indigo blood. You made a mental note to ask exactly how old he was. It wasn't much longer before church all let out and you followed the crowd having to step around some before you were able to find your shoes and exit the doors. Of course church was always open and doors unlocked, heard a lot of Priests of the Messiahs stay to teach scripture and such to all of the newer recruits and even some to the Schoolfeeders.

You somehow made it out the doors feeling tired to your bones but more relaxed, more peaceful. Still your breath came all short like it was up an running away from your lungs before you could catch it. Took a couple deeper breaths before your lungs all figured out the right way to function without making your head spin and little lights dance in your eyes. You had to admit you were still exhausted and all this standing and walking was draining your already small amount of energy. You had a couple pats of passing family all saying words of encouragement and prayers of welcoming. You acknowledged them but you really needed to get back to bed if you were going to start training back up tomorrow. As you were all heading back to your room a large heavy hand laid itself on your shoulder. You turned expecting another brother all wishing you well but were surprised to be met with your sign clad on a chest. You had to crane your head up being met with The GrandHighblood himself all grinning down at you.

"Follow me little motherfucker" He whispered at you giving a nudge off toward the side.

It was sure to say you were a mix of excited and fucking terrified. Being near an adult so big made your hair on the back of your neck prickle up, likely a biological response from wrigglerhood. Still though you followed him off down a hallway stopping behind him when he walked to a set of doors all splattered colors across them. You figured this would have to be his room and were proven right when he punched in a code an the door opened for him. He glanced over at you and waved you up an in.

"Come along"

You hesitanted a moment having a bit of apprehension come over you but you decided not to disobey him and step in. His room was fairly big not too much more than yours but it was spacious. His walls were all painted up with scenes from home damn near undecernable from the real thing while his floor was the same shining crystal black and painted splats like in church. There were a couple shelves all full of several large books and little trinkets, pretty sure there were some little creature skulls as well. Something in the corner all caught your eye and you turned feeling your heart freeze. His sleeping pod all day in the corner the slime string at you mocking you. You hadn't been anywhere near any since you got here but fuck was it all callijgnyou right now.

"Troubled?"

You jumped some all wide-eyed realizing you had probably spaced out staring long enough for him to have changed out of his preaching clothes. You felt your face get hot under the paint now.

"Uh...no no I'm all fine...Uh sorry shit...sorry I ain't got much know on talking at fuckers.." you stumbled out knowing you sounded like a retarded wriggler.

He seemed entertained for a moment before grinning some and stepping up toward you, towering over you. That nervous feeling crept its way all back up your spine straight to your heart making it pump harder. You tilted your horns down and flicked your ears back all signs of submission, thinks you were all taught as a wrigglers if you felt all dangers by an adult. And fuck if you didn't feel all on edge by this fucker pushing pretty close to you. His hand snaked out and you couldn't help but flinch feeling his palm shove up under your chin. You felt your face all tilted up and pushed to each side coarse pads rubbing over your cheek bones and down your nose. You opened your eyes a bit to glance at him an whatever the fuck he was doing with rubbing his thumb across your face but he shoved your head down some a hand rubbing itself up the length of your horns. You had to all bite your lip to keep from making any noises at how sensitive that was. It was a couple more seconds before his hands left your face and one lightly pinched at an ear making you squeak loudly at the minor pain. You made a displeased noise in your throat at that and frowned some his hands leaving you completely to rub at his own chin contemplating something. He nodded after a moment and grinned some.

"Yeah my motherfuckin flesh and blood all pure. What's your name motherfucker~?"

It took you a couple tries to find your voice again. "G..gamzee makara Uh sir?"

He hummed low in his throat seeming to approve.

"Some fuckers round here spreading all rumors of a sopor wriggler coming all aboard wearing my symbol. Figure they be hyping it up too much but your definitely of my spawn." His voice was all deep and he sounded fairly old as he spoke.

A familiar ping of strong guilt hit you at him mentioning sopor grub. You had to turn your face from him not wanting to really bare your mistakes...your sins. A hand suddenly came out and cuffed around your horn tugging you head up harder.

"Look at me Motherfucker when you all being spoken too. Now going to up an tell me all honest before the Messiahs. Have you had any sopor aboard my ship?" His deep voice had raised up echoing off the walls and shaking you down to your very bones.

"N...no sir none! Doc all up even told them not to be letting me around any...don't even have a sleeping pod in my room!" You stumbled out the angle of your head starting to get quite uncomfortable.

He scanned your face over a bit and shook you by your horn just slightly.

"Had it from anyone else either? Messiahs strike if you lie now"

You swallowed hard and stood as straight as you could. "Messiahs strike me now I swear on my ticket I ain't touched any of that shit." You sounded much more Sure now to your ears.

He waited a few moments before releasing your horn and you rubbed at your neck hearing him sigh all deep.

"Good. Now normally I wouldn't all let them bring some sopor riddled grub aboard but seeing as it appears you to be my descendant I'll be willing to make an exception. Now that all be depending on you staying clean. One motherfucking slip up and I'll all be dropping your ass off on the next planet descendant or not got your motherfucking understand on?"

You nodded numbly feeling that seed of guilt explode through your mind. You're unsure if it's your own thoughts or his voodoos at work but either way the feeling made you all sick to your stomach.

"Yeah..uh yes sir I understand completely."

He nodded some and stepped over to a dark red desk across the room stifling through papers and signing on some of them.

"Expect to you to be training harder than every fucker here to be catching up to your family you came here with. I won't take no addiction as any damn excuse. You fall behind you get left behind. I'll be expecting reports each weak and showmanship on your progress." He spoke not even looking up from the papers he was reading over and signing.

You cleared your throat a bit and nodded before realizing that was stupid as he wasn't even turned toward you.

"Yes sir I won't disappoint."

He glanced over his shoulder at you now. "I hope not. Now go on back. Got a rough few weeks ahead of you."

You nodded and turned to leave pausing in the door turning toward him. "Oh uh...I really liked your sermon...was real cool to be meeting you too"

He didn't seem to acknowledge you that or yo left before he could but you were feeling all more worn out than before and just wanted to get on back to your room without being bombarded by more fuckers in your business. Unfortunately Messiahs had some funny ass business with you today because you turned the corner into a small group that were all conscripted with you and you could clearly smell the burning liquor on them from here. They seemed to get recognized at you because they swarmed up.

"Hey~! Bro should all come drink with us~ celebrate adulthood~"

You shook your head a bit scrunching your nose at the smell. You had of course tried a couple different alternian liquors but really you didn't like the taste any.

"Nah brothers I'm all tired out for the day heading off for bed if you don't mind"

One of them moved to shove his arm around your shoulders and held a drink up to your face.

"Aw come on bro plenty time for sleeping later~ should all hang with us maybe spar a little before that sleepingnif you get me~?" He spoke all slurred his paint messily put on. Even your dense mind could all tell he was trying to swing you for a pitch one day stand but that wasn't all your style.

Your gently removed his arm trying to just walk on by them until he came back around shoving you lightly into the wall not really hurting any but it did start to grind on your nerves.

"Look brother I'll be all level with you. I ain't interested in you for any such quadrant and I've had a rough trucking few months all I want right now is to go on to my room and go the fuck to sleep and so help me Messiahs if you don't get the fuck out of my way I'll be forcing my way through you so _Get.Out.Of.The.Way._ "

They all stared at you eyes widened but when you shoved past them fangs bared and claws out they didn't move to stop you. You stormed your way down the hall not caring that you were sending off hard voodoos of annoyance around to anyone walking the halls. You did make it up to your room without anymore bothers thankfully. You did however have to rub your temples at the growing headache making its ways between your horns. The shirt and sweats you were wearing were all clinging to you uncomfortably but you couldn't really do much about it now so you just ended up stumbling across the room and plopping over onto your bed pulling the blanket above your head. It didn't take long at all before you were pulled to the blissfully quiet darkness of sleep.


	9. Chapter9

You woke with a start at the sound of some loud knocking on your door and felt a pang of annoyance at what motherfucker found it funny to wake you up already. You were having such a nice dream too..as you and Karkat all cuddled together in his pile sweet and pale as sugar itself. Shit was a damn miracle to have a dream so nice on account of you not being allowed to have sopor to sleep in which usually led to some damn bad terrors.

Another knock came to your door this time accompanied by a voice.

"Ey little brother Makara...time to be getting up got breakfast before training starts?...coke in aint no way still be all snoozing?"

You groaned and heaved yourself up your bones aching with the process. Man you felt like absolute shit. Being off the sopor was definitely wearing you some still though you were glad to be rid of the shit. Another knock and you rolled your eyes opening your door to a fucker you get a bit of recognition on. You think he lived not all that far from you on home but you ain't ever talked at him before just recognized his paint he chose, all rounded about his cheeks and sharp dark greys around his eyes. Really you didn't even know his name.

"Man is it night already fuck...wait shit guess it all up and can't be night here in space now can it? Well shit." You pondered aloud.

"Aw man don't be slinging that philosophy at me this early~ sent me t get you for breakfast! Figure you probably starving like shit I know I am!" He laughed all soft at your stomach complaining loudly and you grinned some at him laughing along.

"Shit brother food sounds downright miraculous right now! Let me get myself more put together and I'll join."

He nodded eagerly and went to lean over against the wall while you shifted back into your room dumping all the shit out of your captchalouge. Fuck your forgot how much shit you keep in there because a bigass pile of things speed out all over your one clean room. Fuck you'd have to organize all that later but for now you needed some clothes. It didn't take much rummaging time find a dark purple shirt with your insignia on it and some black loose pants. You made quick work of your paint still making sure it all was smoothed and well sealed before rushing out to the waiting partner.

"Sorry I ain't gotten to sort none of my stuff yet so took a bit longer than I was up and ready for." You rubbed the back of your neck feeling a bit bad at having to make him wait. After all he was as hungry as you and you know you were absolutely ready to eat anything right now.

He waved it off grinning at you. "Ain't even a problem! Got to knowing you by Gamzee right?"

You nodded following him down the long corridor.

"Yeah! Sorry brother ain't got my know on of your name remember you from home though"

His grin didn't even faulted and you think maybe he wasn't bothered by that at all.

"Aw shit yeah I never did get my introduction on man my lusus would of smacked me all on my horns for bad manners! My names giltik ain't got no last name though so everyone around here got me all nicknamed gills"

You glanced over at him some looking him over a bit. He was about your height but somehow the way he carried himself made him seem all smaller and thin. His horns were curved back and flicked off to the sides under a tight ringlet curled ponytail. Overall he didn't seem too much stranger than you you'd say.

"Gills? Why they be all calling you that for?"

He flashed you another grin and moved sole of his hair showing off little skits along his neck.

"One shade short of being a damned gilled fuck but messiahs bless I wasn't hatched that way! Still got some good footing in water and breathing all up in it"

You gasped a bit hearing this because honestly this was cool as fuck.

"You tellin me you can up and _breathe_ underwater!?"

He nodded laughing at your response no doubt.

"He'll yeah brother breathe just like air and just as easy"

You nudged his shoulder some grinning all wide.

"Shit that's cool as hell! I can't even really swim at all despite livin' all next to water my whole life. One time when I was a wriggler rail had t' save me cause my ass almost drowned."

He laughed a bit and got a face about him of curiosity.

"Sounds like a good rail he here on ship?"

You suddenly felt ice cold and so empty. You had been doing everything you could to not think about him and here you were all talking about him as if he were alive and well. Gill must have sensed your apprehension because he waved his hands up.

"Hey man sorry I know ain't none of my business your quadrants! Was all rude of me t be assuming such but excuse that and let's go on the mess rooms right here!"

You nodded mutely and momentarily forgot your pain looking over the mess hall. There were several lines of long dark wooden tables and so many of your family were all sitting and eating and chatting that you actually felt a little out of place. You shook that feeling away hard though because these were all your family and they all accepted you this far. Your thought seemed to be proved when a specific group waved the two of you over.

"Hey guys what's up! This here is gamzee the Grand Highbloods lineage! Ain't that shit neat?" Gills exclaimed all big smiles at them.

He kind of reminded you of Tavros when y'all were younger. All smiles and friends. But that was a long time ago and this is now and you shouldn't think on them or if home right now because you don't want to remember. You pulled on a smile that wasn't too forced.

"Hey all family.." you squeaked out cringing in your head at how childish that had sounded.

They didn't seem to even mind though because you were met with a loud chorus of greetings that slowly warmed that ice that had worked it's way into your chest.

"We saved you guys seats! I'm Den by the way and I'm your prefect."

Den was all lean muscle and had real long braided hair pulled up high of his head around his horns and curved up and forward slightly. His paint was a wild mess of jagged lines that looked like a wild creature and you were pretty sure you could see the glint of scars under it. You could tell by the color of his skin and the hard plates forming on it that he was at least a good 5 sweeps older than you but still not quite an adult since it looked he hadn't hit his second molt yet. You decided he was friendly enough and parked yourself in between him and another of your family on your right. Gills joined the group across from you already poking fun at some of the others. The other troll to your right you were surprised to find a girl, mostly because it was especially hard for females to be born into a purple caste so you ain't gotten to meet many.

She was fairly pretty you'd say with waved hair that came down around her shoulders and horns that came up and curled in a loop at the top. You reckon you really liked her paint because it was all swirls and dots with flecks of blue around her eyes. She looked all majestic as fuck and you thinking by her skin she was all probably older than you too. She seemed to notice your looking because she flashed a pleasant smile at you but damn you could see her long sharp fangs in it.

"It's all right I know it's a strange thing to see a girl~ everyone here calls me Ila~ this is my third sweep aboard so I'm not really in any of your training classes but I help out in there sometimes so you'll probably see me around pretty frequently~ that and Den there is my moirail~"

You decided you like Ila she was all nice and her voice was in soft waves.

"Sorry wasn't all meaning to stare!"

Den leaned over to you some. "Oh she's all deaf can't hear nothin don't let that fool you though~"

You couldn't really hide your surprise at that.

"Wait you all up and can't hear?? Wait shit you probably can't hear this either." You mumbled.

Ila smiles and laughed a bit at you.

"No no it's okay~ I spent most of my life without hearing so I'm pretty good at reading lips~ don't have to feel bad none brother it doesn't bother me anymore."

You smiled relieved that you didn't accidentally offend her. Shit you would feel bad if you made her all upset or something over a thing she ain't got no control on.

"You spent most you life like that?" You blurted out before internally groaning. Shit you needed to work on talking at people.

She waved her hand some at you. "It's okay~ no I was young and a stupid wriggler didn't listen to my guardian and went out into woods got attacked by a wild lusus and ended up losing my hearing" Ila pulled her hair to show her ear which had some wild ass scars across it. You thought they looked badass and told her such to which she smirked and replied with "hell yeah they are!"

You were handed a plate and you actually noticed the spread out in front of you which made you mouth water. There was eggs, bacon, toast and ham, different kinds of fruits and veggies and large pitchers filled with what looked like milk and two kinds of juice.

"This food is bitchtits!" You blurted piling onto your plate. Several of them laughed and you didn't even care because you were totally going to eat all of this immediately.

"Mmm I think introductions are in order!" Den announced while shoving some eggs covered in cheese in his mouth.

"Well I'll go first then! I go by dara weird four letter name I know but hey it's my name! Obviously I'm the best out of this group of ragtags~!" Dara exclaimed loudly all full of confidence and energy. You were surprised to be meeting another girl and shit was just ducking cool. Just like her personality her paint matched it being all bright colors and jigsaw patterns over one of her eyes. Even her clothes seemed to match her energy with a mixed swirling color of her shirt and bright striped pants.

"Guess that means me next..um I'm kirana.."

You guessed maybe she was all shy because she was avoiding everyone and all quiet but you noticed she was clinging to Dara. Kirana looked like the absolute opposite of Dara. While Dara was all loud and colors, Kirana was wearing the basic training uniform and had shirt clipped hair with soft round edge horns.

"I suppose that would make it my turn. Everyone usually calls me hax."

You think maybe this troll has some yellow in his Lineage cause he had double horns on each side of his head they curved up and twisted together at the tips and he also had a strange accent so you think he might have lived a bit further inland.

"I'm also the best hacker any of y'all have ever seen~" he smirked all wide while Dara reached over to smack him over the horns to which he turned and growled at her in a way that made you get the hint they were edging on a black quadrant.

"Don't mind him he's just a cocky little shit about computers he can't do anything in physical combat~" Dara grinned over toward him to which he flinged a piece of toast at her.

You laughed amused at the show you were watching between the two now bickering.

"Don't mind them none gamzee they been like that since we boarded ship up here. I'm cerkik by the way cool t meet the descendant of the grand highblood!"

You grinned and Cerkik reached to grasp your forearm in a more formal greeting but you definitely returned it happily. All these fuckers were so cool.

Cerkik was a cool looking guy with the sides of his head shaved and a fluffed up Mohawk that showed off his wicked sharp front pointing horns. Unlike most of you at the table who were all lanky this guy was all pure muscle and sharp features. He looked like a pretty cool badass even had piercings all up through his ears and face and you saw one even through one of his horn tips.

"Real nice t meet you too digging your piercings duck horn one must have hurt"

"Fuck yeah like a bitch. Look cool as shit though so worth it"

You grinned all wide getting some ideas. "You think maybe fucker here might be able to get me some of those?"

He looked you over a bit. "You want horn rings? Hmmm

Think I remember some older family mention a place they got here for that"

You grinned all wide at him. "Bitchin I'd love to get some art on me would like cool as all messiahs"

Your group quickly finished up eating and you yourself had a couple plates before Den started to shuffle your group and about ten others down a few halls and into a big open room with impossibly high ceilings. There was a big mat across the floor and along one of the walls was a huge obstacle coarse that scaled at least up a good half mile you'd reckon. A few in your group started whispering obviously as amazed by the course as you were. What fucker could actually scale through all that?? Shit was crazy.

"Alright recruitment listen up! As some of you may remember my name is Gaxxic I am a recruiter as well as your primary trainer. This is our training wing and we will spend four days a week in here with me and one day of the week in a classroom. You will have two days off in between in which you may do as you please and of course chapel is always open and sermons are held twice weekly. I do recommend you take a few days through the week to train on your own personal time. For those of you gawking like wrigglers yes this is one of our facilities main obstacle courses. We do not expect you to be able to complete this immediately but in time you will be able to do all of it. Now for the first week we will be doing a series of basic assessments to rank everyone on where they are then at the end of the first perigree we will do another ranking to see who is improved. For some of you this stuff may come easy for others you will need to train harder. At the six perigree mark we will preform another assessment to decide which career path you would be best suited for. The ones you may choose from are Schoolfeeder, laughsassin, subjugalators, recruitment, trainer, and holy ministry. A select few might move on to more specific tasks such as working off fleet or assisting our grand Highblood in running the fleet of faithful. Do keep in mind over the next few weeks what you would like to be doing because ultimately it is your decision. So prepare yourself your training begins now."


	10. Chapter10

To say that your first day of training sucked would be a big motherfucking mistake. You were so far behind everyone that you could barely keep up. It seems that while you spent a couple weeks snoozing through the bitch of a withdrawal everyone had already started basic classes. Luckily for you they were only doing in classroom training for the first while and you woke up just in time to start physical training with the rest of your conscription. However, that meant you also had a fuckton of work to catch up on in the classes and a lot of scriptures to study. You realized how bad being out bedridden so long was to your already malnourished body because after a good half hour of running you were on the ground panting and feeling sicker than that time you got sick during the cold seasons from playing outside too long. Your trainer, thank messiahs, had been prenoted of your state and pulled you aside to some sit ups on the floor instead. They were still hard sure but you didn't even dare complain. Actually you were pretty grateful that none of your brother and sisters made mention of you being so weak but fuck it made you feel aweful anyway. You spent so many years with nothing but occasional meals courtesy of Karkat and sopor Courtesy of your own dumbass that you could barely even jog let alone run. But fuck if you weren't more determined than any fucker in here to improve. Not just for the promise you made to your ancestor and not just for yourself but for Karkat...your little angry fucker who you know would be so fucking proud at you being all clean and sober. He tried so fucking hard to eager you off that shit and by damn you are going to be off it.

Thinking on how proud he'd be gave you just the edge you needed to finish your last set of a hundred sit ups and mother _fuck_ your abs were on _fire!_ But you were all thinking of Karkats words of praise singing in your head loud and good and strong and most pure of all pale noises. It took a good minute but you hopped up and ran to catch up with your conscription brothers and sisters. Several of them whooped and yelled words all of encouragement at you and you grinned back all grateful. You managed to keep up with the running for the last ten minutes and promptly fell on your shaky legs heaving a bit and getting a few good pats at your back.

"Easy brother ain't do no good be pushing yourself so soon out the mediculler bay"

You nodded a bit the heaving stopping to which you sent many praise to messiahs for because if you had to throw up in front of everyone you think you could just die right then and there. A few of your strong brothers helped you up on shaky thin legs and for once you didn't protest mostly because you all knew if they didn't there was no way you'd all be able to get up. You muttered thank you to them as they helped you fall back in line. Gaxxic looked you all over nodding approvingly.

"Not too bad recruits can tell few of you will be some quick runners! Good for a quick ambush but don't fret about any of your slower ones I've always found being quiet and sneaking to be my preference. One thing we will definitely be working on is endurance. During a fight you will need to be quick and hit them fast and hard but keep in mind when fighting someone of a higher cast like those finned violet fucks they are not as strong but they can endure a skilled battle for as long as several hours. Long drawn out battles has never been much of our thing but we'd rather you all be prepared than to get beaten down because some brine sucker likes to take their sweet ass time"

A few in your group snickered at the mention of higher cast bloods and you could hear some derogatory remarks made as well. You couldn't blame them too much after all you guess you kind of felt mad at Feferi and Eridan. They could have maybe saved Karkat with their status. You know that thinking was stupid and that they totally couldn't have done anything like that but the thought was entertaining.

"Now then you all are free to go for today and meet me back up here at 7pm sharp! Anyone who is late or takes some sleeping in will run extra laps through the commons rooms. Shower, eat and sleep I will see you tomorrow night. Dismissed."

You sighed all heavy because fuck if sleep didn't sound like the best idea right now.

"Need some help back Gamz my room is just across from yours?" Gills offered walking up behind you.

You grinned all tired at him and, like most of your family, started shuffling painfully out of the room. You were about to anwser yes but you were stopped by a large looming shadow over you. It took you some effort to crane up but you were met with a familiar face of your ancestor.

"Sorry to interrupt but may I borrow my descendant from you for a bit?" He talked as smooth and articulated as one of those higher up prom and proper bloods but damn if it didn't sound much cooler coming from him.

"U-Uhh oh yes of course your holiest! I'll catch up with you later gamz!" Gills was damn near star struck starting up at the Grand Highblood and you had to admit you kind of were too. After all you didn't expect to run into him here.

The Grand Highblood nodded at Gills and went to place his hand against your shoulder leading you out of the room and off down a corridor. He let his hand drop from your shoulder but didn't say anything more to you. It was actually pretty unsettling but you figure if he wanted you to know where you were going he would have said so and thus you kept your mouth shut and just followed him. You had to struggle to really keep up with his big strides but you managed even on your shaky ass sore as all hell legs. You were starting to head out of areas that you recognized and began passing through some big hangers that had several groups of large adult clowns all bustling about. You had to stick real close to the HighBlood to keep from all getting trampled over as people and faces rushed by carrying large equipment and some stopping briefly to give proper greeting at the lead of your party. He did return the greetings and bows and even one or two scripture verses before you both made it through the hanger and into a few large rooms some with equipment and other things. Eventually you came across a very large staircase and he began heading up it to which you hesitantly followed. You had to groan a bit at going up the stairs which stretched your already sore legs. It was damn miraculous when you finally reached the top because you were met with the big expanse of space. The room itself looked like the front helm and there were a couple trolls in there scattered and operating boards covered in lights and such. The entire top of the room though was a large glass some crystal clear and you could see occasional streaks of star light and there was a large gaseous planet we were going by.

"Holy messiahs!" You exclaimed excitedly.

Highblood laughed a bit beside you and grinned all teeth and fangs.

"Pretty motherfucking wicked aint it?"

You were already moving around the room to get a good view at your first time seeing another planet.

"This is fucking bitchin! Uhh or sorry but yeah this is really cool!"

He grinned and nodded some. "You can see over there is some of our faithful fleet."

You glanced over to the left seeing the tips of several ships that lined up along side us. "How many ships of faithful are there?"

Highblood grinned looking out at the ships and seeming to have a face of pure pride. "A good strong 8 ships all full of faithful family and another 15 of imperial army all led by _The condescension_ and their entourage of 7 private miliatary ships leading to a total of 30. Got others that don't stay in fleet off conquering in the Empress name but they rotate back every few perigrees to trade off who be going out next."

You whistled softly and grinned looking over and making a noise to yourself. "Those small ass dots way off the others in fleet?"

Highblood nodded next to you and held his hand up to point out a few other areas. "Got three ships over that way to our left and another four off to our right way up ahead. Church always goes flank in case of any sneak attacks. Empress trust us to take care of anyone that dares attack the fleet."

"Do people really try to attack us?"

He grinned all wide a bit of malice in his face. "Every few sweeps we'll get some dumb fuckers as think they can take on church and we crush them under our feet as is Empress orders but more importantly as is Holy Messiahs will."

You looked at him completely in awe that this old as dirt badass holiest morherfucker is whose blood you carry. You couldn't help but also feel a bit ashamed that your who he got stuck with as a descendant. You were drawn from those thoughts at a light smack between your horns which you had to rub the discomfort from.

"Don't go all getting in your head. Got things to be teaching you. After your lessons of the day want you t be meeting me up here you remember the way?"

You thought for a few moments recalling the passage you took and the hanger you went through. You think maybe you could recall the way. "Yeah yeah think I could manage getti bf my way back up here. What all kind of thing you wanting to teach at me??"

He patted your shoulder a bit hard for what you would have liked.

"How to run a fleet." He said simply.

Your pretty sure your eyes all bugged out of your head now. "What!? No disrespect at all but I don't think I could ever do anything nu like that I can't even keep up with my family."

He waved his hand off. "Minor setback you got plenty life left to get caught up and surpass. Indigo bloods live long and our line especially."

You craned you're neck to glance up at him and suddenly he seemed so old and so wise to you.

"How old are you?" You blurted our feeling your face under your paint go hot.

He paused considering this for a moment before bellowing our a laugh at you. "Got to work on your manner little one but damn if you ain't a spitting copy of me!"

You paused a moment at the little nickname that somehow made you feel all warm and inspired. After all if your ancestor the Grand motherfucking Highblood believed you could do this then you absolutely could do it.

"How about this. Want you to finish in top ten for your first big assessment and I'll up an tell you my age?"

You grinned all wide up at him full of that eager giddiness. "I will totally take that challenge."

He patted at your shoulder again a bit too hard which made you think maybe he doesn't know how hard he's doing it. He is a big guy after all.

"Think I've kept you all long enough you need some good sleep. Which reminds me here." He went to hand you a small yellow bottle with what looked like ten or twelve little round green pills in it. You looked up at him confused because you weren't really in pain from your time at the mediculler bay so you had no need for pain meds. He must have noticed your confusion because he clarified.

"There sleep tablets. Take one. Low ass dose of sopor in those not enough to even get you anything off them but know how bad my terrors can get when out of coon figure you my blood might be the same. If you do good on those might get you a higher dose. Want you t show me every day how many in there until I trust you got it?"

You nodded some getting a small sick feeling at knowing there was sopor in them but if he said they were okay for you to take them you suppose you could handle that.

"Yeah alright I'll earn your trust I promise." And you really did mean it too. You wanted more than anything to earn his approval...well not more than _anything_. You wanted Karkat more than anything but you needed to shake these thoughts.

"I'll take you back to your room. You get your class work sent up yet?"

You shook your head some. "Not yet think Trainer Gaxxic is going to give it to me tomorrow. Man got a fuck lot to do still ain't even gotten all my room sorted through."

The sudden realization of adult life and how stressful all of this is started baring down on you hard rubbing your very being raw.

"Relax. Trainer Gaxxic is a good troll and good on faith trust him to train you good. You'll get caught up and then it will fairly easy for you to excel further."

His encouraging was good to hear and made some of your anxiety clear not nearly all of it but it definitely made you a bit more sure of yourself.

"Yeah you're right I got a long way to go but I'm going to get there!" You grinned all bright and found a new determination flow through you.

He laughed some grinning all wide and nodded. "I'm going to teach you al my mother ducking knowledge and send you on to do the holy Messiahs work. You'll mktherfucking crush planets my descendant."


	11. Chapter11

The next couple weeks go by in a flash and your starting to get down your routine. You would wake up at 7 go have breakfast with Gills, Den and everyone else. Then you would rush over to training, everyone's been pairing up for sparring for the past two days so we can learn basic hand to hand combat, and after training you would meet your ancestor. He's mostly been showing you where things are on the ship and teaching you things about how the fleet works and everyone's roles in it. You think you really like your times learning from him and his seemingly infinite knowledge. After you finish with him you make it to dinner with everyone and then sneak off for a couple hours of your own training. You end up making it back to your room around 8 in the day. Then the memories all come back and your left in a panic on your pile of yours and Karkats stuff sobbing pathetically until you drag yourself up, take a shower and your sopor pill and crash to sleep. You try to keep yourself busy, always doing something, keep your mind distracted from your loss because if you don't allow yourself to think about it then maybe it didn't happen and maybe you could stop feeling just immense guilt over his death.

Even on your days off outside of training and doing work, studying scripture and class material, such as empress laws, you have spent all of your time training. You can run for a little bit now and you're even starting to get some weight on you with eating, training daily and sleeping some each night. The pills your ancestor gave you did help out some and you were close to finishing off the first bottle to which he said he would up the dosage if you were good. You were very anxious taking them at the start but it's actually pretty normal now and they do help keep most the terrors away.

Today was one of your days off of training and work and you had just finished writing a paper on your favorite passage of scripture from the past week. You think it turned out pretty good but now you had nothing to do. You hated having nothing to do because a strong uneasiness starts settling all down in your bones and making you feel all that tightness in your chest again. You look over your room having gotten it all decorated with your posters up and shelves full of little Knick knacks you had all reminders of the comfort of home. You even had a pretty good collection of movies tossed about. Well except for Karkats. Those you kept neatly arranged on the shelf Along with all of his other items. You had a surprising amount of Karkats stuff that you didn't even know you had in your captch. Things like his favorite movies, shirts, pair of his sickles, some of his shitty romance novels, and his absolute favorite stuffed crab you had gotten him. You cherished having so many things of his but you couldn't look too long or that guilt would start working it's way back through your mind. So you got up, checked out your paint and left to go find your ancestor. Maybe he would be willing to let you shadow him about the day. You think his lessons are the absolute Bitchtits.

It didn't take you too long of wandering around to find him. You learned pretty quick you could kind of get a feel on for where he was better than you could any other family. This time he was over in the communication bay and you were a little more than proud that you were able to find it without getting too lost. You cracked the door open a bit and paused a little at hearing voices.

"So what do you think?"

"Whale I'm not con-fin-ced. Theres so few in numbers like shore they could be trying to relight that shelly rebellion but I think after last time we crushed them reel-y good"

You couldn't really recognize who he was talking to but it sounded familiar. You sort of started to feel guilty about eavesdropping on him after all it wasn't any of your business but you couldn't fight that overwhelming curious nature of yours.

"Sooooo when do I get to meet him~?"

"I'm 'shor...sure you will be able to soon. Right now it's imperative for him to train up before being carted off for social events. He is still young after all and I don't like much other out of family to be knowing on him yet"

"No fun Kurlz he sounds tide-ally fun and I'm looking foreword to learning aboat him~ well I shell be going then got an empire to run. Glub at me later or I'll be forced to swim down there!"

You squeaked as he ended the call and went to knock on the door.

"You can come in I know you've been out there. Not polite to be eavesdropping." Highblood reprimanded you.

"Sorry..was all up and wondering what you be up to this night." You rubbed your neck some.

"Mostly busy we have a cargo shipment of supplies coming in unexpectedly early and were short staffed in cargo due to an accident that injured a few." He replied looking over a small palm husk with graphs and numbers.

"Are they okay?" You asked curious and more than a bit concerned at some of your family getting injured.

He waved a hand some. "Yeah yeah they are all fine Doc got care of them all. Mostly just a few broken fronds and bruised egos. More importantly why you feel the need to track me down all the way over here on a weekend?"

You rubbed the back of your neck and bit along your lip. You didn't want to tell him it was because you were too afraid to be alone and all your close family already had plans. "Uhhh...was thinking maybe I could shadow you about the night? Finished my work lesson already and the training rooms are all full."

It wasn't technically a lie you had finished your work and the training rooms were occupied by another group which left you with nothing to do and boredom rotting into your pan.

"Suppose it wouldn't hurt none for you to follow me. Be a good learning for you on how to handle last minute issues. I was about to head down to the cargo bay after my personal call. To which I also would like to know how much you were listening to?"

You were sure glad for your paint and fluffy hair because you turned all bright purple at that. It's not like you were trying to eavesdrop it just ended up that way.

"Oh uhh I'm sorry I didn't all mean t' be doing that...only heard some mention of rebellion"

Highblood nodded some at that now leading you out and toward the cargo bay. "That was the Empress I was addressing. She's concerned a nearby planet to our fleet is planning an attack under the title of the Signless's rebellion."

You looked up at him surprise across your face after all the Signless rebellion was the biggest in the history of your species and anyone associated with him or his sign is killed on the spot regardless of blood caste.

"Seriously?? She thinks they still out there? We were told as wrigglers the empire destroyed all of them and then killed the signless?"

Highblood nodded some. "It's true we rained fire upon them with the wrath of the messiahs themselves but we did not crush that flame out of them completely. There are still those that know his name and sign and his words he preached. As long as the knowledge of him exists so does his rebellion. "

"So our empress is worried they might attack us?"

He nodded again running a scarred hand through his hair. "Their numbers are still low but it's a good chance. No matter how many times I stop that little fuckers follows he still comes right back like an insect to taught me."

You noted he held a distinct edge to his voice and the way his eyes pierced into nothing all glowing with a fire you couldn't place.

"Did you know him?...Uh Sorry ain't be my place to be asking such things." You stuttered feeling stupid at mentioning it.

He looked over you a strange look crossing his face but he nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah I knew him pretty well. Knew him by his hatch name Alvaro meaning truth speaker."

"How did you know him so well? Don't tell me you were actually alive when he was around!?"

Highblood chuckled a bit grinning all teeth at you. "Suppose I did tell you at one point I'd let you all know my age. Yes I was alive and held my title even then. I was much younger. The youngest HighBlood title."

"But that was like a hundred and ten sweeps ago!?"

"Correct you are little blood. I was about fourteen sweeps around that time." He grinned using his newest thing to call you as of lately.

You couldn't even believe what you were hearing. You knew he was old but damn he was old as bones.

"You're a hundred and twenty four sweeps old!?"

He laughed all deep in his chest this time and ruffled at your head. "Correct. Be a hundred and twenty five in coming few perigrees."

"Holy fucking messiahs your old! I didn't know highbloods could live that long!"

"You'll learn much about adult life when you hit your first adult pupation. Our specific lineage of Makara live long. We are never motherfucking ending and that's why every grand Highblood has held our insignia."

This had to be the most mirthful cool as shit thing you've ever know. Your only eight sweeps old and he's a hundred and twenty four!

"Don't tell me that be meaning you be up and dying on me soon..?"

At this the Highblood smirked and knocked at one of your horns making your head rattle for a moment.

"Don't be asking stupid questions. I ain't nowhere near old enough to be thinking on a dirt nap. I am strong and endless and the messiahs smile on me as they do you."

You frown a small bit at the last part he mentioned. You sure didn't feel like messiahs graced you all special. You are faithful as ever to them and their whimsies but you think maybe you were cursed at birth. You were drawn from your headspace at another light horn smack.

"Didn't all say you could go off in your head like that. Need to be here in the now," he paused for a moment and looked over you contemplating something for a moment before touching your forehead, "tell me motherfucker how'd you find me this early night. You ask someone where I was?"

You shook your head slightly confused at his sudden question. Why did it matter really whether you asked someone or not. "No I didn't ask no one as to where you was at."

"How did you find me then?"

You had to make a confused face at that but thought back some. "Uhh well I mean I just kind of got my knowing on of what general area you be at. Like can tell where moth family is but not specifics or nothing."

He grinned all wide his large fangs poking out and glinting in the dull hall lights. "Good motherfucker good voodoos are strong off you but can tell you ain't got the knowledge on controlling them much. How specific can you narrow me down to? A section of ship or a specific room?"

These questions were starting to get you all turned around. You weren't really sure why he was all wanting to know. "Well I mean usually I can up and tell a specific room like knew you was in the comm."

He nodded at you and ruffled your hair some. "Got the messiahs blessing of strong voodoos. Can sense other fuckers, get their location on, even manipulate emotions and thoughts even memories. Shit sound like what you all be able to do?"

It all kind of clicked to you now why he was asking such weird questions.

"Wait you saying you can all up and do that miracle mind shit too? All up and tried talking about it to other family but they didn't quite understand."

"Motherfucker I can do all that shit and more. But more importantly you can do all that shit. Strong voodoos are uncommon and even when they appear in purples they are usually fairly minor but not us, not our blood. We can manipulate a persons motherfucking entire pan if we get good enough at it. Shit about it is makes you very weak to psionic based attacks. Makes it easy for them to get in your head same way you get into theirs. Got to train your mind up, defenses and shit, lock up shit that's important so they can't use it against you."

You nodded getting some understanding of what he meant. "Is that some shit you can all up and teach at me?"

"Motherfucker I will teach you everything on it. Shits important to train your mind. When you ain't got your weapon your minds all you got."

Fuck he sounded so old and intelligent and well, just downright badass. You don't think you could have ever asked for a better ancestor than the guy who literally took down the signless rebellion and then lived for another hundred and ten sweeps after. You were about to ask him like a hundred more questions but you finally reached the cargo bay that was bustling. There were about six docked cargo ships all decorated with the empires emblem and on there unload platform were hundreds of crates, boxes, even plates you noted. You were also starting to notice that outside of your training area all the other trolls aboard were large adults. There was maybe a good thirty large adults unloading crates but what was really weird was you noticed some weren't purpleblooded family. Highblood must have noticed your confusion because he quickly clarified.

"These shipments come in from our ground resource management. They're controlled by the imperial army and as such are permitted aboard our ship momentarily. We keep some of our most trusted faithful in cargo due to incidents in the past of some mouthy low bloods getting culled where they stand. It was a mess of paperwork to file and a huge hornache to deal punishment to the faithful as well."

Your nose scrunched up at him now. "Punishment?"

Highblood sighed all heavily which typing on his palmhusk. "Yes unfortunately it is necessary sometimes. I don't like hurting my family if it can be avoided but one of the Olive bloods that was killed was matesprite a with a violet. They called for a public whipping of those that harmed the lower bloods and in my position I could not refuse so I had to hand them over to the imperial army. But that was quite a long time ago. You got nothing to fear long as you do as I instruct and keep your head out of mischief you'll do all fine."

The idea of some of your family being whipped for violet bloods enjoyment started to make you feel all sick to your stomach even if they were guilty. You decided maybe that was enough questions about shit.

"Being short staffed here is taking a toll on our production rate." He seemed to be muttering that to himself more than anything.

"I could help them out? Not sure what all them numbers and shit mean but I can all lift a decent amount." This would be a good welcome distraction to clear out your mind for a while.

He looked you over pondering it for a moment. "Alright sure you'll just be moving those crates off. There's a tag on each one and once you move it off scan it with one of the sensors over there. That'll log it to my inventory."

You grinned all wide at him yelling a 'yes sir' before rushing off to join your family in unloading. Granted you couldn't carry anything like the rest of your adult family but they greeted and thanked you for the help nonetheless. After a good few hours you were working up a good sweat and were actually starting to like the familiar burn in your arms and legs. It kept you grounded on your task at hand and finally you got to unload the last box and scan it. One of your brothers handed you a bottle of water and you drank it greedily while grinning all at them. Most were now sitting on crates and idly chatting.

"So little Makara how are you getting along?" One of the female adults named Mel asked.

"It's pretty good got a long way to go still but I like my trainer all well!"

She nodded liking the answer and brushing back her hair with a towel. "It'll take some getting used to I know. It's a big difference from home isn't it?"

You felt a small pang in your chest at the mention of home. She offered you a knowing smile and patted your shoulder. "Hey things will get easier! This will all seem so normal one day that you won't even miss home promise."

You didn't have the heart to tell her you didn't believe her so you just nodded and smiled at her. You appreciated her efforts regardless.

"And hey if you ever want to talk to someone you can find me up here or in church most days! Speaking of church you better go get ready it'll all be chapel time soon. You too HB wouldn't want you to pass out all giving a sermon like that one time~!"

Highblood smirked over at her and waved her off. "That was entirely your fault. I did not pass out."

You found yourself grinning at the playful interaction between them and vaguely remember how you and Karkat would bicker are each other sometimes. You think maybe they were hate friends or something, well at the very least she seemed to know him pretty well. She also seemed a bit older than some of the others around here and you think maybe she might be the lead of the cargo crew. You also noted she had real pretty scripture all tatted up the sides of her arms and you made note to ask what verses they were. Maybe you could get some wicked ass scripture all tatted on you. You'd have to draw out some ideas on what your first one would be.

"Come on wriggler keep up if you intend on shadowing me I'm not going to wait up." Highblood called stepping out into the hall and making you scramble over to follow him.

"Where are we going now?" You questioned all eager to see what else he might have scheduled.

Highblood flipped through his palmhusk looking over what seemed like a schedule of sorts and rubbing his face some. "Need to conference with one of my recruiters about the next scheduled conscription."

As he finished that sentence a tall fairly fit troll with bitchin tattoos across half his face walked up and bowed lightly to Highblood. "Sorry to interrupt Holiness but I have sent two recruits to your office who got into a fight in the middle of my class."

Highblood sighed hard and rubbed down his face. His paint must have been sealed good because it didn't even move and you would totally have to ask him how he does that.

"Very well thank you Schoolfeeder Lorenz I'll take care of that."

The guy he called Lorenz glanced over at you and grinned some. "Is this your descendant I've heard about? He certainly does hold your characteristics! Pleasure to meet you I'm Schoolfeeder Lorenz and I teach advanced scripture and battle strategy. You probably won't class with me until your second sweep on the fleet." He extended his hand out to you and you grasped it at the forearm.

"Look foreword 't taking it I like scripture."

He laughed some and nodded approvingly at you. "Glad to hear it! Study hard I expect good things from you. Well I need to get back to my class so I will message the proper reports to you after and sign any paperwork required for those two disruptives."

Highblood nodded him off and gave a tired sigh. You think maybe he looked more tired than you and it reminded you that he said your bloodline had particularly bad night terrors.

"I will need to take care of this you're free to follow or wait outside that is your choice."

"Why would it matter if I stayed or didn't?"

Highblood started walking off down a corridor that you vaguely recognized as being close to the chapel and the training grounds. "Got to be hard on recruits get them all straightened out now. Don't want recruits to be having fights while out on a mission and end up getting send to carnival over something stupid as a rivalry."

You nodded a small bit. "Yeah makes all sense...you have to hurt them..?"

Highblood grimaced some seeming to massage his temples. "All depends on them. They got issues enough to fight in class got to get them all straightened quick since they'll be going out for their first mission in next week or so."

The thought of your family getting hurt made your stomach queasy but you could see his point.

"What all kind of punishment could they get?" You honestly weren't sure if you wanted the answer to that or not but you figure best to get an idea about it.

"Well most common offenses all just get hard labor. Working cargo, extra laps, cleaning church, but some as got more serious offenses can get put all on room arrest when not in class or training, get other privileges taken and well if that don't work last resort is lashes for their offense and sent 't church to repent."

Your sure your face looked all laced with worry because his expression softened a bit.

"Harsh but it's better than them getting all killed. Your young still and you haven't experienced loss over something that could have been prevented. If I can prevent my family dying or getting seriously hurt I will."

His comment made something go off in your head and that deep seated anger that's been lingering in the back of your mind. That anger that's been there only since you've been sober.

"...what makes you motherfucking think I got no knowledge on of loss." You seethed through grit teeth glaring off at nothing.

His face hardened a bit looking over you. "Need to calm down morherfucker."

You turned to glare up at him an involuntary growl escaping you that you didn't even know you could make.

You vision started to go red before you felt an intense wave of pressure breaking into your mind and suddenly that immense anger was shoved back hard. You held a hand up to your head and groaned at the light throbbing. You were suddenly aware of hands on your shoulder and being guided over to a corner.

"Breathe. Head will stop hurting in a few moments. You need to be getting control of that anger of yours. You're young and I didn't take into consideration your specific situation you had to have grown up in. My apologies. Just relax."

You took a few deep breaths. "Shit fuck I'm sorry...don't know why I..."

He shook it off and kept a sturdy hand on your shoulder. "We'll work on getting that anger in check and apparently on working through that pan of yours."

"Nothing wrong with my pan." You insisted as the dull ache faded from your mind. "Don't want any morherfucker in there."

He let go of your shoulder giving you a stern look. "Wasn't negotiating. How will you feel if your anger and issues get someone killed. Get one of your family killed?"

You feel a deep seated guilt at that. You pretty much got Karkat killed and the though of anyone else dying because of you would tear you apart.

"..fine I'll all up and do your mind training or whatnot.."

He nodded approvingly and gave a large heavy sigh. "Getting too old for these wriggler problems. Come on."

You nodded letting him lead you down to a set of large black double doors with a silver plaque encrusted with your insignia on the front. He stepped through first and you decided to all follow behind him because if you were going to follow him you might as well learn shit. There was a long beautifully carved wooden desk with a large window to space behind it. The floors weren't like the rest of the area outside with the grey tiles, these ones were a silver swirled marble and they looked freshly polished. The floors accented the walls nicely with were a deep rich purple you were sure matched your color to a t and there were flakes of sliver throughout that occasionally caught the light. In front of the desk were two chairs and seated in them were two of your family you didn't recognize. You could tell by the length of their horns they were definitely older than you but maybe only by two or three sweeps. One of them looked to have a dark bruise forming around one half of his face and the other had a steady stream of drying blood from his nose, neither one looked at Highblood when he walked it and neither looked at you either. You decided to scoot over into the corner of the room glancing over the large window and the passing stars but were drawn back to the trolls in front of you when Highblood cleared his throat. You think you could visibly see both the trolls shiver.

"So mind telling me what's so motherfucking important to fight about in the middle of mirthful classes?" He spoke at them eyes narrowed and waiting patiently.

He had a hard edge to his voice that made an instinctive chill go down your spine. It made him seem way older and reminded you that he was a very large adult that could easily crush all three of you in this room and not even break a sweat.

"...we had a disagreement...I'm very sorry it won't happen again."

"...yeah it was just once.."

Highblood looked between the two accusingly. "No. No it won't happen again."

The two both looked up at him nervously and you could sense their appreciation. Highblood barely even glanced up at them looking through whatever report was sent to him.

"So which one of you threw first?"

Both of them glanced at each other and grimaced before both loudly exclaiming, "He did!".

"No I didn't you fucking liar you hit me first!"

"You hit me in my fucking nose you asshole!"

"I hit you in the nose because you fucked my matesprite!"

"Maybe she just liked my bulge better~!"

You watched the exchange between them piecing together a bit of what was happening. Fuck did HighBlood looked irritated now.

"Both of you shut the motherfuck up or messiahs help me I will tape your mouths shut!" Highblood yelled making even you jump and immediately be on edge.

Both of them immediately went dead quiet and stared at their lap.

Highblood rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed irritated before looking back up to them. "Since you two seem to think your petty quadrant drama is more important than your messiahs own scripture I think I should take this harder as opposed to letting you off easy."

You were facing behind them but you knew by their ears that they were pale in face.

"No no no please come on."

"We'll get along!"

Highblood stood resting both hands across the table and towering over them before slowly grinning all mischievous. "I believe I know exactly what the two of you need~. So! Here's what I'm going to do~. Firstly you both are going to polish the entire church floor for dare disrespecting our messiahs scripture. Secondly...," he paused a bit in between smirking at their terrified faces, "..you both will now be moved to forming together for the next sweep."

He filled out some paperwork and had each one sign it before sending them out with another stern lecture about fighting and that if they fought again it would be five lashes each. They seemed to agree several times that they would get along but you couldn't help feeling confused.

"Why'd you stick them in a room together if they fight?"

Highblood returned to his desk shuffling through some papers. "I've found if theres an issue between two that it's easier for them to be forced to work it out and have to set aside differences."

"That's pretty motherfucking smart!"

Highblood grinned some down at you. "Can't all up and be holist mirthful word of the messiah without a good sense of humor."

You grinned big at him and sent up a silent prayer to your messiahs before Highblood turned to yo the most ridiculous grin in his face. "You want to hear a motherfucking joke~?"


End file.
